10/7/20 ^^^I have to keep on fighting

Today is a good example of a down day.  I was sleepy too.

As it is, there should not be anymore Els.  Enough is enough.  If I want to get well, this is the very thing I should do.

Who am I kidding?  I'm just making a fool of myself.

These are the things I should do:

• Quit Nicorette by Liz's birthday
• Achieve my goal to weigh 79 kg by my birthday
• Continue with Coursera
• Earn RM3 k a month
• Sleep at 11 pm
• Wake up at 6 am
• Exercise AHAD
• Eat OMAD Apple

Weighing 79 kg should be the most motivating goal. 

• I look good
• I can snub Pal's sarcasm
• I look good in clothes
• I am lighter too

I should make a point to keep running on daily basis.  Keep hitting the wall like Icarus.  Be consistent like Sisyphus.

I have 5 months before I see Dr Amarpreet.  By then I should lose 20 kg.

So the long and short of it, I should lose weight.  That is the single most motivating factor in my life.  I'll do that by eating OMAD Apple and exercise AHAD.

Man, I had the right formula already.  I don't need to compound my condition by writing silly emails to Els.

Since 247 Continuous is not reachable, I listen to Absolute Classic Rock instead.  No more TraXX for me.

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Come to think of it, I really screw up big time with Els.  I was only stoking my ego with her.  When I look back as what I wrote, everything is plain crazy.  If last year my goal is to quit the 3 Cs, this year I want to be cured from Bipolar.  I want to continuously be productive and be a contributing member of the community.

This is where I draw line.  I choose not to be crazy anymore.  Cutting Els loose is the very step I take to be well again.

I made all the mistakes of losing a girl.  Furthermore I was crazy.  The sooner I accept the fact the faster I move on to recover from this illness.

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I got to have faith in Pal to bring me RM3 k a month. That is the best model.  I make some money and yet I can be on my own.

Hey, I should remember that my goal in life is to be free.  No money is despairing.  So I make some money on the sideline.  Not so much.  Just enough for me to give to Lizzie and for me to spend on my own.  As it is I don't need to eat out.  That is a major savings.

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