I wanted her to love me but I don't think that is possible.
My strategy is to create dependency and then I SNAP VANISH. So today is my last contact with her until 7/7/20. On the second thought, don't bother with that.
I think what I need is [] (a) sweetheart. A pet really. Let's look this scenario. SHE DOESN'T REJECT ME. So I have a creative outlet. What am I complaining? After all, I'm a crazy person. That's how people treat a crazy guy.
By being crazy, I got away with being eccentric. Furthermore, the choice is with me. I got to choose to continue or stop this nonreciprocating relationship.
I admit, it is an addiction. There is no relationship. She knows it.
I think I cut off today. No point going through a necrophiliac relationship.
No listening to Evening Drive from here on. Actually I was doing fine in 2017 without Els. It is still not too late to break my addiction to her.
I got you and Yati.
I better sleep. I think I know what to do already. For the last time, NO MORE ELS.
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