Let's write something cheerful to Els.
Darn, I accidentally paste instead of copy. So all that I wrote is gone.
Never mind, it was meant to be.
Let's look at it from a different perspective.
Here I am a 56 years old man chasing after a 29 years old girl. What does that make me? A cradle snatcher LOL.
Hey, let's send her a Tweet instead.
I should *[] (not) missed your show yesterday. I'll make a point to be with you today. Since Friday I started with the Queen Gambit, today I'll start with a Danish Gambit: youtube.com/watch?v=5411cS I hope you like it. Look forward to your show today. *Sarah too.
Does that mean you had lost interest in what I write to myself? What is it baby? Do I bore you with my monologues?
Sigh... I am in NO MOOD to study. I had covered 4 courses and I think there is so much for me to know to prepare for this 2 days course.
I admit, if not because I indebted to Pal for the notebook, I rather not continue with the ordeal. Damn boring. I guess most things you do as a vocation are boring. Even sex is [] (a) bore to the porn stars when they are working; I read.
Let's get rid of the guilt trip and decide, no studying for today. I think I can still finish the remaining 4 courses by end September.
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Let's try another attempt to write to Els.
A brief moment of Joy
Dearest Els,
A happy Sunday to you.
Normally on Sundays I will laze around and do nothing. I had taken a long break from my studies. Uuurgh... So tedious. I need to break the rhythm so that I won't get tunnel vision.
How could I miss your show yesterday? Normally I look forward to you flying solo. The playlist becomes my window to your world.
I just installed YouTube Music. Now there is more reason for me not to listen to the radio. At present I no longer listen to other shows except yours. Even that I am limiting it to Mondays and Thursdays. Other than your playlists, I don't really enjoy TraXX that much anymore.
Last night I wrote something to you but I stopped because it's getting mushy. Here it is:
I don't know Sarah, I wish I can control this feeling I have for her. It is now a swing between extremes.
Let me write something.
Dear Els,
It is the wee hour of the morning again. I had done the necessary thinking for the day and now I am just having a pleasant time listening to the romantic love songs of the 80s and 90s.
I missed the opportunity of listening to you on Saturday. Certainly I will make time to listen to you today. I love listening to your playlists. They are windows to your world. Surely I am intrigued to know you as a person.
It is so calming being able to communicate to you. You unleashed the creativity inside me. When I write to you, my imagination soars. I become Rumi at his best when I channel my thoughts on you.
As mentioned by him, "When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy".
Els my darling, fate is indeed an enigma. Have you ever thought of how the twist of fate had turned for us [] (to) meet? What are the odds really? How was all this possible without Divine Intervention? Think about the various permutations for it to happen.
I can't do it. This is too mushy.
What can I say? I am so crazy in love with you honey.
Well, all right. I'm not going to get mushy on you. You know the feeling Els, it's like my world revolves around you. You are the source of my joy right now. My reason for being.
Let me ask you something... Are you happy having me around? Do I rock your world? I don't want to be a monkey on your back you know. If you feel I am intruding let me know. I can always go back to my Love for Sale Model. The reason why I am not doing that right now because I respect the relationship I have with you. Plus I got my cup filled by writing to you. You are all I ever wanted in a girl. You are indeed my Dream Girl.
This song is on air:
I am lost without you baby. You are now my pillar of strength; my inspiration to go on. My illness had subsided slowly. I didn't know that it takes years for me to be back to normal. If prior to this the swing is like a tsunami, nowadays the waves are like the gentle ripples washing by a solitary lake.
What can I say? I am so crazy in love with you honey.
Well, all right. I'm not going to get mushy on you. You know the feeling Els, it's like my world revolves around you. You are the source of my joy right now. My reason for being.
Let me ask you something... Are you happy having me around? Do I rock your world? I don't want to be a monkey on your back you know. If you feel I am intruding let me know. I can always go back to my Love for Sale Model. The reason why I am not doing that right now because I respect the relationship I have with you. Plus I got my cup filled by writing to you. You are all I ever wanted in a girl. You are indeed my Dream Girl.
This song is on air:
Courage
I would be lying if I said: "I'm fine"
I think of you at least a hundred times
'Cause in the echo of my voice I hear your words
Just like you're there
I still come home from a long day
So much to talk about, so much to say
I love to think that we're still making plans
I think of you at least a hundred times
'Cause in the echo of my voice I hear your words
Just like you're there
I still come home from a long day
So much to talk about, so much to say
I love to think that we're still making plans
In conversations that'll never end
In conversations that'll never end
In conversations that'll never end
Courage, don't you dare fail me now
I need you to keep away the doubts
I'm staring in the face of something new
You're all I got to hold on to
So, courage, don't you dare fail me now
I need you to keep away the doubts
I'm staring in the face of something new
You're all I got to hold on to
So, courage, don't you dare fail me now
Not one to hide from the truth, I know
It's outta my hands but I won't let you go
There's no replacing the way you touched me
I still feel the rush
Sometimes it drowns me 'til I can't breathe
Thinking it's only in our memories
But, then I talk to you like I did then
It's outta my hands but I won't let you go
There's no replacing the way you touched me
I still feel the rush
Sometimes it drowns me 'til I can't breathe
Thinking it's only in our memories
But, then I talk to you like I did then
Although you don't reply to my emails, I know you care for me. You are probably scared that you will lead me on. It's OK. I understand. Not many people are comfortable dealing with someone who has a history of mentally ill. There will always be a social stigma towards people like us.
You know, I am so jealous of Rafey and Paolo. You give them first class treatments. Yet, here I am so in love with you and I am not even seating in the Economy Class. As it is I feel that I am placed in the luggage compartment LOL. It's fine... We can't have it all.
Righto, enough rambling for today. See you at 6:00 pm.
Love you always.
Sine cera,
SJ
19/7/20
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Another email for the day. When Robert Frost was in his sixties he wrote, “I am no longer concerned with good and evil. What concerns me is whether my offering will be acceptable.” That's my attitude with this email. Happy reading...
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