Time in this case I got aplenty. That time I then convert to money.
I might as well make a lot of money because I have a lot of time.
No more divergent thoughts. I had decided to pursue Ikigai.
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I got to believe in my own cause. Am I really losing Els? Shouldn't I have faith? I feel bad losing her. However she is not mine in the first place.
Well, as I said, why should I reject myself? She hasn't rejected me yet.
I just continue my business as usual. I should not listen to her show though. On the second thought, I am a farmer. I should attend to my orchard. I should have faith that it will bear fruit.
I'll write to her.
I cannot imagine not writing to you
Dearest Els,
Coursera is down this couple of days. My studies had been stalled. I saw you in the blog with your yellow dress. You really look good in it.
Today I just want to ramble. I'll write whatever comes to mind...
Top of the list is I am worried that you rejected the book I sent to you. Perhaps that's why DHL cannot deliver the book. What is the implication then? Well, the worst possibility is that you reject me. I asked them to resend. Then I will know for sure the situation.
Since you didn't respond to any of my email, I assume you really hated my guts. But then I cannot be sure. Maybe you don't want to lead me on. In this case I will keep on writing until you reject me.
Having said that, I feel that my situation has improved much as I keep on writing. It is a form of therapy. As I said, if I don't write to you I feel terrible. The emails are really outlets for me to express my thoughts to you.
I am in a relaxed mode right now. I write because when I do that I feel connected to you. You may be elusive but at least you exist. Perhaps you may not read my emails. However, by writing to you I have somebody to channel my thoughts to. Either that or I write in a monologue. This is a better option.
I should not put too high of a hope on you. There is always a risk that you will hurt me. But then if I don't take the risk, I will never know. It is an overflowing feeling of affection. If I hold back, the dam might burst. And so I just go with the flow.
Perhaps the real joy is having somebody to write to. You help to synchronize my thoughts and feelings. Otherwise I will space out for hours thinking about how endearing you are to me.
This loving feeling is not something rational. Many times I told myself that you hated me, And yet I keep coming back for more. How does one justify such an act? I can't. I am hooked on you. I feel really crappy if I don't write to you. You are everything I ever wanted in a girl.
No doubt you are as elusive as a panther on a moonless night. However the consolation is I know underneath the shadows you exist. Thus, I keep on writing; with the hope that you read my emails and perhaps that will invoke your emotion towards me.
I am a dreamer Els. I live in the future. At times the future is beyond comprehension. As we speak, I already envisioned our lives in the afterlife. That is why I simply let loose, for I know eternity is only one step away. It lies beyond death. Therefore I look forward to death. *[] (If) I cannot be with you now, I certainly will be with you in the hereafter. Death is just a beginning.
* Sarah feels the same way.
The gist of it is you make me happy. By having a person to write to, I am flourishing again. I am able to tap my creative side and write from the heart. That is the gift that you give me. You make me full again. With this, I am a complete man. As I mentioned, I am a writer. My passion is to write my heart's desire. There is nothing more desirable than to make you happy. All I got is words. With words, I create my world. Right now my world revolves around you.
It is a great joy Els. I enjoy writing to you more than I enjoy reading Dan Brown's novels. With my thoughts I am in my sanctuary. As it is, that sanctuary is whatever I share with you. I sincerely hope I make you happy. You know baby, I only listen to your show just so that I can catch a glimpse of the happiness you radiate. Screw Aush and KG. I prefer you flying solo anytime. Everything about you is magical. You are my Queen of Laughter and my Miss Sunshine. You bring happiness to my life.
Well alright my darling. My emails are my gifts of love to you. If you choose not to accept them, they go back to me. The love I have for you is the love for the creation in order to love the Creator. By loving you I am loving myself in return, That love is a subset of the Greater Love.
Love you always.
Sine cera,
SJ
25/7/20
❤Nan unnai kadhalikiren❤ . . Obviously I google translated this ♀️ but the meaning is pure and real ❤ . . #ily #colors #tb #ootd #potd #gentin...
July 26, 2020
Meaning, I love you
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Coursera is still down. So I decided to ramble my thoughts away in the email. I saw you in your yellow dress photo. I like the caption very much. It makes me smile.
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