I like the kind of relationship that I have with you right now Sarah. It's very levelheaded. Initially our relationship was influenced by the illness too. It took a couple of years for it to stabilize.
I think this ketogenic diet is making me a better person in handling the illness. I think taking too much carbs causes me to have mood swings, namely mania. Sugar induces dopamine surge. I need the complex carbs, not simple sugar like rice.
I need to be fat adapted if I want to start burning fat. Rightfully I should not eat other carbs than just apple.
Yesterday I felt slightly under the weather. Thank goodness I bounced back today.
I need to be resilient in combating this illness. I must be patient and persistent. Weight reduction is definitely the answer to my problem. Simply no carbs.
I got to show Pal I can drop my weight to 79 kg. Then by the end of this year I will drop to 63 kg. To do that I got to change my eating habit. I cannot eat rice. I have to make a point to stop eating sugar, processed fo[r] (food) and rice for the rest of my life. Otherwise my lifespan will be shortened between 9 to 20 years.
I got to manage my bipolar and gout. I believe these two can be managed by ketogenic diet. I had quit smoking. Next is to lose weight.
Tonight I skip dinner and I still don't feel hungry.
Patience and persistence.
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This Cold Turkey is necessary. I got to break the addiction. That's the only way for me to recover from my mania. If I take it that Els is a trigger to my illness, then without Els, then there is no illness. The opposite is also true. No illness, no Els.
Els Dines Retweeted a Tweet from STOKED
Be thankful for all the struggles you go through. They make you stronger, wiser and humble. Don't let it break you. Let it make you.
Els Dines liked a Tweet from The Secret
If you treat people kindly, no matter what the circumstances, the Universe will return the kindness to you. It's simply the way life works.
Why am I so attracted to Els?
She is so vibrant and energetic. She is funny too. I like funny girls. They make me feel upbeat. Best of all she is smart.
But it not whether I like her. It's whether she likes me. From the way things been going on, she hates my guts.
At the same time, she is a crazy chick.
Yes, I'm attracted to a crazy chick. Only a crazy chick dye her hair red.
Sooner or later I got to let go of the crazy chick.
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Suddenly I remember Brad Pitt. With all the money he has, he is nothing more than a pothead.
Comparatively I have a better life.
If I sleep well, wake up early, exercise AHAD and be thin, I say I am a success.
I already got the formula.
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The more I am on low carbs, the less grandiose are my thoughts.
Let me write Els another letter.
What can I say, inspirations abound
Dear Els,
I had the compulsion to write you another letter.
As you know I am a very expressive writer when I write to you. Actually I don't mind having this intense emotion at all. It is a sincere feeling I have towards you and honest to goodness it brings out the best in me.
However, it is my earnest intention to get well. I don't want you to think I am a crazy old coot who can't handle his emotion. That is why I made the decision to go Cold Turkey on you. I want to taper off the excessive happiness. That is the effect of my illness whenever I communicate with you.
Having said that, it is my utter sincerity to be with you until the end of my life. I had experienced much joy in knowing you. I do believe we are soulmates whose paths had converged. Therefore I appreciate what you had done for me in keeping me on my track. Things like your credo, your inspirational quotes and your recommendation for me to attend Coursera are really defining the course of my life right now.
I don't deny those flamboyant expressions I made to you in the past. It's just that I think I was too expressive. That might scare you. It is just the nature of the illness honey. The illness does not define me. As a human being I am a compassionate man. So happens I have bipolar. I could have had other illnesses and I am still more than my ailment.
I don't want to lose you. That will be my worst nightmare. As of now you are my pillar of strength. Part of the reason for me to be well again is so that I can project my feeling for you sans the influence of the illness albeit depression or mania.
There is hope. As Hippocrates said, "Let thy food be the medicine". I am now experimenting with a ketogenic diet. It is supposed to work well with bipolar disorder. This is my first week. This letter is the effect of the diet. I am less "flourishing" to put it mildly LOL.
I hope someday you will see me as who I was before the illness struck. I am a much sensible person then. Still full of passion but more grounded I must say.
Love you always.
Sine cera,
SJ
12/7/20
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What can I say, inspirations abound. The email is the last bit before I go Cold Turkey. Catch you in a few months...
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