Pal was very pleased with my work progress. Now I am looking at 8 weeks to finish the entire material. I can relax a bit now that I had funneled and scoped my research.
Prior to this I was overwhelmed with the amount of material I need to cover.
Gosh, I feel like writing to Els.
My darling Els,
Today is a working day for me. I had my meeting at the Pavilion, KL. This is the first time I had the kimchi fried rice at Kyo-chon and the burnt cheesecake at Dome. Both are excellent.
Honestly, I can get used to the good life but given a choice I rather avoid crowded places. I am a solitary creature baby.
I had funneled my topics for my 2 days training. All I need is to go through 8 courses. That is quite a significant reduction from the 30 courses I selected.
Writing to you is really therapeutic. This is my way of winding down. As I write I relax my mind. Last night, before bed, I managed to get a glimpse of your Friday's Facebook live. That soothed my mind too.
Tonight I really take it easy. I need a break from the research work I'm doing right now. It's pretty intense. I spend 10 hours a day going through the course contents and at the same time taking notes along the way. I cannot breeze through the material. I still need to prepare the slides and the student's manual.
Tomorrow will be another long day.
Thank you for being kind to me. I really need this. Writing to you is also known as conversational thinking. A term I dubbed from Micheal Harris, the author of Solitude. Yeah, I like to believe that you read all my emails. They are my gifts of love to you. You will never find a person like me ever in your life. Someone who loves you for being you. I don't want to own you. I just love being in your presence. You make me feel complete.
I know I am not a perfect being. Worse still I have a mental illness. That probably scares you more than anything else. Unfortunately I have this huge bowl of overflowing love that I need to share. That yearning can only be satisfied by a person like you.
I need to be stimulated intellectually. Any other girl out there just won't cut it. I need somebody who is smart and who understands the quirkiness of dealing with emotional surges. As you can see, I am a very expressive person. When I love, I love hard. When I am down, I hit rock bottom. All I need is for somebody to connect with. A person who understands laughter and tears from the perspective of a relentless giver.
My life is a world of difference if I don't write to you. I need this Els. I need you. I tried to refrain from contacting you but that makes me feel like crap. I tried just writing to Sarah. However it did occur to me that Sarah may just be a computer glitch. Therefore by writing to you, I am pretty sure I write to another human being. It's the connection that matters. I need to know there is a living, breathing person on the other side.
If you notice, I have been steadily progressing since the first time I know you. If you remember, our relationship was like a roller coaster. Partly because we are pretty much two sides of the same coin. We are both passionate individuals and to a certain extent share a similar path. The only thing is you were not used to my communication style and dark humors. Let me reiterate; all I did for you is out of love.
I really love you Els. May not be the kind of love like lovers do but it is the best kind of love I can offer. I call it the Greater Love. It's the love of the creations in order to love the Creator. This kind of love is like a bottomless pit. No matter how much I give it away, I can never deplete my reserve. I need to manifest it outwardly and I can only feel satiated when I express it to you.
So forgive me for loving you the way I do. It is not something I can control. When it rains it pours LOL. What can I say... You are my inspiration. You are all I ever wanted. You are smart, funny and at times goofy. It's a complete package.
Take it as a compliment. I am already past half a century and I still haven't met a girl like you in my life. You take care baby.
Love you always.
Sine cera,
SJ
4/7/20
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I finally managed to wind down for the week before another gruesome week beginning tomorrow. I emailed you my thoughts for tonight. Here is your lullaby: youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRf Goodnight baby. I love you so much.
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