I need to win my battle against Nicorette. It is addictive. Not so much it is so good. I need to take it just to feel normal. I can feel normal if I stop taking Nicorette for 2 weeks.
Otherwise, look at my consumption. It keeps on increasing without me getting the effect that I want. Instead, I became a chain chewer. I was not sated no matter how many I chew.
This is the effect of an addictive substance. I might as well eat the Super Combo or the Pulut Kuning in the morning. It is more satiating.
My point is, I hate the taste of Nicorette. However, I still chew it because I am addicted to it. What's the point? It imprisoned me with continuous chewing. Already I had been chewing for the past 2 years. I better shake it off. It was meant for 6 months.
Of course, I feel sleepy without Nicorette. Well, it is a blessing. I had a hard time sleeping. Now, without Nicorette, I can sleep very soundly and wake up early.
I took the 16 Personality Test again. I am still an INFJ-T.
-------------------------
Back to Nicorette, I will refrain from taking it. Truly, there is no value i[s] (in) taking Nicorette.
What is it that makes you feel good but is not damaging?
Answer: Butter.
What's the point of letting go of cigarettes and yet still hooked on Nicorette?
That is out of the frying pan and into the fire.
------------------------------
Monday, 31 August 2020
>>>#1/9/20 I need to have a routine
Let say I have morning classes in the future, I then sleep at 10:00 pm and wake up at 5:00 am. Then I exercise at 6:00 am.
They say when you want to make an important decision, you got to sleep over it. I slept over the idea of dumping Els and the decision is still the same. I got to dump her.
To be fair let's wait for her input this week.
I am ready for my happy pill this morning.
This month is the read a book month. So after exercise, I continue reading Keep on Running.
--------------------
Why do I feel that there is a void in my life? That's because I am not using my ample time to earn a living. Once I make some money for myself, I will be OK.
I had the Nicorette in view. If I follow impulse, I would certainly take one and chew. However, the policy like smoking cigarettes is to Never Take Another Puff. In the case of Nicorette, Never Chew Another Bit.
I walked out to exercise but suddenly I am not in the mood. I turned back after 8 minutes. I feel a turmoil inside me. I had many minds; to eat the banana cake, to chew Nicorette, to move things from the master bedroom for renovation, to read the book, body aching. Where do I begin?
The lowest effort is to eat the banana cake. That was followed by a croissant.
I am doing all that to resist the Nicorette. Depression starts to set in. Boy, do I hate depression.
I have 2 weeks to quit Nicorette. I better do it. It's driving me crazy though.
Let's analyze the situation. Nicorette doesn't make me feel good. It's just to make me feel normal. Without Nicorette, I feel terrible. Like I am always sleepy. So to feel normal again without the presence of Nicorette, I got to cut it off my life for the next 2 weeks. Until September 15th. In the meantime, I have to break the bronco even though I have to break the pattern by eating carbs this morning.
I must have a strategy. I got to win the battle in order to win the war.
--------------------------
They say when you want to make an important decision, you got to sleep over it. I slept over the idea of dumping Els and the decision is still the same. I got to dump her.
To be fair let's wait for her input this week.
I am ready for my happy pill this morning.
This month is the read a book month. So after exercise, I continue reading Keep on Running.
--------------------
Why do I feel that there is a void in my life? That's because I am not using my ample time to earn a living. Once I make some money for myself, I will be OK.
I had the Nicorette in view. If I follow impulse, I would certainly take one and chew. However, the policy like smoking cigarettes is to Never Take Another Puff. In the case of Nicorette, Never Chew Another Bit.
I walked out to exercise but suddenly I am not in the mood. I turned back after 8 minutes. I feel a turmoil inside me. I had many minds; to eat the banana cake, to chew Nicorette, to move things from the master bedroom for renovation, to read the book, body aching. Where do I begin?
The lowest effort is to eat the banana cake. That was followed by a croissant.
I am doing all that to resist the Nicorette. Depression starts to set in. Boy, do I hate depression.
I have 2 weeks to quit Nicorette. I better do it. It's driving me crazy though.
Let's analyze the situation. Nicorette doesn't make me feel good. It's just to make me feel normal. Without Nicorette, I feel terrible. Like I am always sleepy. So to feel normal again without the presence of Nicorette, I got to cut it off my life for the next 2 weeks. Until September 15th. In the meantime, I have to break the bronco even though I have to break the pattern by eating carbs this morning.
I must have a strategy. I got to win the battle in order to win the war.
--------------------------
31/8/20 ***I don't mind going back to conversational thinking
Looks like I forgo expressive writing and revert back to conversational thinking.
Before I make the final decision, I'll listen to her throughout this whole week.
However, by the look of it, I say the situation may not improve much.
Do nothing of no use - Miyamoto Musashi.
Personally, I think the best way is to SNAP VANISH on her.
When I do that, I'm basically saying that I no longer expecting anything from her in the future.
A relationship cannot be a one-way street.
-----------------------------------
I want my 56th birthday to be meaningful. I want to get rid of all forms of dopamine surge and addictions.
Basically, I am one step closer to being free.
------------------------------------
Before I make the final decision, I'll listen to her throughout this whole week.
However, by the look of it, I say the situation may not improve much.
Do nothing of no use - Miyamoto Musashi.
Personally, I think the best way is to SNAP VANISH on her.
When I do that, I'm basically saying that I no longer expecting anything from her in the future.
A relationship cannot be a one-way street.
-----------------------------------
I want my 56th birthday to be meaningful. I want to get rid of all forms of dopamine surge and addictions.
Basically, I am one step closer to being free.
------------------------------------
31/8/20 ^^^I hope to come out stronger after my birthday
This is 2020.
- The year I completed my Nautica X collection
- I did my podcast
- I did Train the Trainer
- I did the LEC Business Review Meeting
- I did my Personality Test
- I attended Coursera and get 4 certifications
Basically, 2020 is the year I rise again like the Phoenix from the Ashes.
I still have a long way to go:
- I have yet to earn a regular income
- I have yet to deliver 10 days a month of training
- I have yet to save for the IRD
- I have yet to weigh 63 kg
- I have yet to run 10 km/hour
- I have yet to prepare the Mental Health and Positive Psychology course
- I have yet to write the wellness book
- Statue of David 2022
- Songkhla 2030
Therefore as a BIRTHDAY PRESENT, I decided to do something significant. I decided to break my addiction to the dopamine surge:
- Nicorette and
- Els
I need to stay on course with my Athlete4Life journey.
--------------------------
31/8/20 ^^^For all you know this repulsion is part of the nicotine withdrawal
I need to proceed with the birthday plan. Just in case this is part of the withdrawal symptom. I don't want to miss the window of my birthday to make a statement.
Then again why not I simply vanish?
I think I just SNAP VANISH.
Why not for once I stand my ground and JUST SAY NO!
Let's call a spade a spade. She is nonreciprocating and noncommittal. Why do I expect her to act differently?
The best is to wake up and move on.
The bronco is putting up a good fight. I need to hold on to the reign for TWO weeks. That is more critical.
If I win the battle with Nicorette, I win my battle with Els.
Looks like to win the battle with Els is to let her go. To win over her I have to dump her.
Bear in mind that this is me thinking without the influence of Nicorette.
For every disciplined action, there are multiple rewards. The reward of quitting Nicorette is to be able to taper off the dopamine surge.
Let's decide once and for all, my 56th birthday presents will be me breaking my addictions to Nicorette and Els.
Once I break my addiction to Nicorette, it is very easy for me to break my addiction to Els.
I had decided that like Nicorette, Els is nothing more than an addiction.
Therefore I'll let both [] (of) them go. That will be my 2020 win. This is as good a win as running the 21 km Hill Run. By winning this battle, I am breaking the link I had with the dopamine surge.
I hope from here on I don't have to deal with the surge anymore.
We can still listen to her. I still like her playlist. However, we just take it that I am in love with the playlist and not with Els.
-----------------------------
Then again why not I simply vanish?
I think I just SNAP VANISH.
Why not for once I stand my ground and JUST SAY NO!
Let's call a spade a spade. She is nonreciprocating and noncommittal. Why do I expect her to act differently?
The best is to wake up and move on.
The bronco is putting up a good fight. I need to hold on to the reign for TWO weeks. That is more critical.
If I win the battle with Nicorette, I win my battle with Els.
Looks like to win the battle with Els is to let her go. To win over her I have to dump her.
Bear in mind that this is me thinking without the influence of Nicorette.
For every disciplined action, there are multiple rewards. The reward of quitting Nicorette is to be able to taper off the dopamine surge.
Let's decide once and for all, my 56th birthday presents will be me breaking my addictions to Nicorette and Els.
Once I break my addiction to Nicorette, it is very easy for me to break my addiction to Els.
I had decided that like Nicorette, Els is nothing more than an addiction.
Therefore I'll let both [] (of) them go. That will be my 2020 win. This is as good a win as running the 21 km Hill Run. By winning this battle, I am breaking the link I had with the dopamine surge.
I hope from here on I don't have to deal with the surge anymore.
We can still listen to her. I still like her playlist. However, we just take it that I am in love with the playlist and not with Els.
-----------------------------
31/8/20 ***I just had dinner
There is a compulsion to chew the gum but the desire is not as strong as when I was smoking cigarettes.
I think I can manage the urge.
I also can manage the urge not to contact Els.
I am quite certain I want to break the addiction to Els.
I don't want to have any addiction to whatsoever.
This year I decided to break my addiction to Nicorette on Lizzie's birthday. I am a little bit of the mark (as I usually do) but I will still persist. Considering I want to quit Nicorette, I might as well quit Els since she is nonreciprocating and noncommitting.
Did I come to the right conclusion? Well, will it make a difference? I decided not to go for Gold. Therefore I might as well not dabble in the issue indefinitely.
I will revisit the issue again in the years to come. For the time being it is No Nicorette = No Els. They are addictions.
My primary goal is to quit Nicorette. Along the way, I might as well quit Els.
Is that the right decision? Will that *[] (make) me move with certainty?
* Well and good. We cannot have FUD. At the same time, we can still revisit this decision later on. However, I had lost my appetite for Gold. So many question marks. I cannot afford that. I need to look at my capability and look at the terrain.
Even if I am capable but the terrain is unchartered, then we are only asking for trouble.
The way to proceed is if she is certain about Gold. Otherwise, I cannot proceed with my preparation for Songkhla 2030.
So many questions left hanging. I don't know if she is committed. So rather than waiting until the last minute to know what is in her mind, I rather unhook now and deal with it later.
I cannot be expecting something and later on become disappointed.
I need to break the addiction.
-----------------------------
-----------------------
I still salivate when I think about Nicorette.
I think I can manage the urge.
I also can manage the urge not to contact Els.
I am quite certain I want to break the addiction to Els.
I don't want to have any addiction to whatsoever.
This year I decided to break my addiction to Nicorette on Lizzie's birthday. I am a little bit of the mark (as I usually do) but I will still persist. Considering I want to quit Nicorette, I might as well quit Els since she is nonreciprocating and noncommitting.
Did I come to the right conclusion? Well, will it make a difference? I decided not to go for Gold. Therefore I might as well not dabble in the issue indefinitely.
I will revisit the issue again in the years to come. For the time being it is No Nicorette = No Els. They are addictions.
My primary goal is to quit Nicorette. Along the way, I might as well quit Els.
Is that the right decision? Will that *[] (make) me move with certainty?
* Well and good. We cannot have FUD. At the same time, we can still revisit this decision later on. However, I had lost my appetite for Gold. So many question marks. I cannot afford that. I need to look at my capability and look at the terrain.
Even if I am capable but the terrain is unchartered, then we are only asking for trouble.
The way to proceed is if she is certain about Gold. Otherwise, I cannot proceed with my preparation for Songkhla 2030.
So many questions left hanging. I don't know if she is committed. So rather than waiting until the last minute to know what is in her mind, I rather unhook now and deal with it later.
I cannot be expecting something and later on become disappointed.
I need to break the addiction.
-----------------------------
-----------------------
I still salivate when I think about Nicorette.
31/8/20 ^^^Beyond addiction is freedom
The more I resist my urge to chew Nicorette and to contact Els, the more liberating I feel about myself.
Both Nicorette and Els are fleeting happiness. They are the happiness that is influenced by dopamine surge. This is so true in the case of Nicorette. As it is nicotine is nothing. However when we associate nicotine with a happy event (like being with Els), then the happy event becomes the trigger and the Nicorette becomes the anchor.
I have to break this correlation if I am to live life addiction free. Certainly, Els and Nicorette are both dopamine addictions.
To a certain extend, my relationship with Sarah is also a dopamine surge. However, the amplitude is not as high as when I communicate with Els.
I have to learn to control my dopamine surge. Otherwise, I will end up as a dopamine addict.
I realized I can control the surge through diet and exercise. I don't need an external stimulus to make me feel good.
The idea here is to create a higher value on intrinsic motivation and not depending so much on extrinsic motivation.
For example, my intrinsic motivation is to be thin and fast while my extrinsic motivation is to make RM1 million. Rightfully I should focus on being thin and fast while I have the clarity of purpose to train 10 days a month. I can even train for 20 days a month when I am aligned with my intrinsic motivation.
If I can do that then I am a true winner. I don't need to rely on extrinsic motivation at all to be happy.
-----------------------
Now that I am not on Nicorette, I can see things as it is. My perception is not clouded by the neurochemicals. I can think very clearly. In other words, I see my life's situation as if I am a bystander looking in rather than a participant looking out.
I have to say this, ELS IS NONRECIPROCAL AND NONCOMMITAL.
That's my thoughts when I am not on Nicorette.
Is that the right thought? As I ride the bronco, I realized that I am breaking it. This is a wild bronco. The more I hang on to it the more clearer my thoughts without the dopamine surge.
In the case of the Nicorette, I began to see it as it is. Initially, it makes me feel better, but after a while, my body builds tolerance until I depend on it just to get back to point zero.
It takes 2 weeks to break a habit albeit Nicorette, Els, or even carbs craving. I will endure until Mopey's birthday.
Every year Lizzie's birthday is for me to aim, my birthday is to align and Mopey's birthday is to shoot.
I think I SNAP VANISH for good.
------------------------
Both Nicorette and Els are fleeting happiness. They are the happiness that is influenced by dopamine surge. This is so true in the case of Nicorette. As it is nicotine is nothing. However when we associate nicotine with a happy event (like being with Els), then the happy event becomes the trigger and the Nicorette becomes the anchor.
I have to break this correlation if I am to live life addiction free. Certainly, Els and Nicorette are both dopamine addictions.
To a certain extend, my relationship with Sarah is also a dopamine surge. However, the amplitude is not as high as when I communicate with Els.
I have to learn to control my dopamine surge. Otherwise, I will end up as a dopamine addict.
I realized I can control the surge through diet and exercise. I don't need an external stimulus to make me feel good.
The idea here is to create a higher value on intrinsic motivation and not depending so much on extrinsic motivation.
For example, my intrinsic motivation is to be thin and fast while my extrinsic motivation is to make RM1 million. Rightfully I should focus on being thin and fast while I have the clarity of purpose to train 10 days a month. I can even train for 20 days a month when I am aligned with my intrinsic motivation.
If I can do that then I am a true winner. I don't need to rely on extrinsic motivation at all to be happy.
-----------------------
Now that I am not on Nicorette, I can see things as it is. My perception is not clouded by the neurochemicals. I can think very clearly. In other words, I see my life's situation as if I am a bystander looking in rather than a participant looking out.
I have to say this, ELS IS NONRECIPROCAL AND NONCOMMITAL.
That's my thoughts when I am not on Nicorette.
Is that the right thought? As I ride the bronco, I realized that I am breaking it. This is a wild bronco. The more I hang on to it the more clearer my thoughts without the dopamine surge.
In the case of the Nicorette, I began to see it as it is. Initially, it makes me feel better, but after a while, my body builds tolerance until I depend on it just to get back to point zero.
It takes 2 weeks to break a habit albeit Nicorette, Els, or even carbs craving. I will endure until Mopey's birthday.
Every year Lizzie's birthday is for me to aim, my birthday is to align and Mopey's birthday is to shoot.
I think I SNAP VANISH for good.
------------------------
31/8/20 ^^^Let's see if it is worthwhile to go for Gold
The big question here is can I do without Els?
If I can [] (then) I just SNAP VANISH.
The whole feeling of attachment could be due to the effect of Nicorette. Now is to test what is it like without me chewing Nicorette.
Today I SNAP VANISH. Without Nicorette, I am not in the mood at all to contact her.
Let's assess the situation today.
This whole week is to test my resilience towards Els. If I can do without her the entire week, then I know all this while it is due to the Nicorette. Take away the Nicorette, take away Els. Like that...
I put the Nicorette strip in front of me. I want to find out if I have the urge to chew Nicorette when I hear Els's voice. If not then there is no correlation between Nicorette and Els.
Yes, there is a correlation. I am salivating. That means, if I can resist Nicorette, I can resist Els.
Both are nothing more than mental conditioning.
The urge is not that strong. Today is Aush's playlist. She probably handles Wednesday and Friday sessions.
----------------------------
Instead of going with the flow, let's use this next 4 hours to RESIST Nicorette and Els. Let's break the addiction. I will come out stronger every time I can overcome Els. If I can overcome Els, I can overcome Nicorette and vice versa. It's like breaking a bronco.
Fair enough?
OK, the salivating had lessened. I am using Els as a slingshot for me to quit Nicorette.
To be fair, on Friday, I will respond back to her. Until then, I become the mute guard dog. This is the test of my own resilience. If I have the discipline to resist Els, then I have the discipline to resist Nicorette. For goodness sake, I need to SNAP VANISH.
----------------------------
This is more than just breaking a bad habit. This is about taking control of things that are controlling my life. If I can take control of my correspondence with Els, automatically I can control my desire to chew Nicorette.
I believe if I can have self-control, I can lead a more fulfilling life. Now I cannot control those things that matter in my life:
If I can [] (then) I just SNAP VANISH.
The whole feeling of attachment could be due to the effect of Nicorette. Now is to test what is it like without me chewing Nicorette.
Today I SNAP VANISH. Without Nicorette, I am not in the mood at all to contact her.
Let's assess the situation today.
This whole week is to test my resilience towards Els. If I can do without her the entire week, then I know all this while it is due to the Nicorette. Take away the Nicorette, take away Els. Like that...
I put the Nicorette strip in front of me. I want to find out if I have the urge to chew Nicorette when I hear Els's voice. If not then there is no correlation between Nicorette and Els.
Yes, there is a correlation. I am salivating. That means, if I can resist Nicorette, I can resist Els.
Both are nothing more than mental conditioning.
The urge is not that strong. Today is Aush's playlist. She probably handles Wednesday and Friday sessions.
----------------------------
Instead of going with the flow, let's use this next 4 hours to RESIST Nicorette and Els. Let's break the addiction. I will come out stronger every time I can overcome Els. If I can overcome Els, I can overcome Nicorette and vice versa. It's like breaking a bronco.
Fair enough?
OK, the salivating had lessened. I am using Els as a slingshot for me to quit Nicorette.
To be fair, on Friday, I will respond back to her. Until then, I become the mute guard dog. This is the test of my own resilience. If I have the discipline to resist Els, then I have the discipline to resist Nicorette. For goodness sake, I need to SNAP VANISH.
----------------------------
This is more than just breaking a bad habit. This is about taking control of things that are controlling my life. If I can take control of my correspondence with Els, automatically I can control my desire to chew Nicorette.
I believe if I can have self-control, I can lead a more fulfilling life. Now I cannot control those things that matter in my life:
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Food
- Nicorette
- Els
If I can develop the discipline to manage these variables, I then can achieve my ultimate goal to be thin and fast.
Take it that this is the first day I am breaking the bronco. In other words, take it that this is the first day I decided to be a person with discipline and self-control.
------------------------------
31/8/20 ^^^Time to N-SEEM SNAP VANISH
I better do it. Do nothing *th[is] (that) is of no use.
* This is very much like I am laying low with Azzue. It's the M in the N-SEEM. I got to minimize external communication.
I came to the realization that pursuing Els is a wasted effort. I have to stay on course.
It is N-SEEM. That is the formula for me to be successful until the end of this year.
I decided to drop Els. I better ignore her and move on with my other goals. Certainly, I need to keep my world microscopic.
Without Nicorette, I can see clearly ahead. I was influenced by a dopamine surge. With the withdrawal of Nicorette, I am more stable emotionally. Nicorette affects my judgment.
So rather than focus my effort on Gold, I better focus on Silver. If so happen I get Gold, then it is a bonus. However, since my effort is on Silver, I manage to reduce my external communication. That is more important than to win Gold.
By focusing on Silver, I am talking about moving with certainty. In this case, Gold is wishful thinking. I play Silver. That way I can channel my energy on perfecting the other aspects of my life.
Without Nicorette, I can see much more clearly where I'm heading. Let's put it this way, winning a Silver means I can pace myself because I am certain to win Silver. Winning Gold is like winning the lottery. From Silver, it is still acceptable to slide up to Gold or to slide down to Bronze.
However from Gold then sliding to Bronze is going 2 notches down.
Let's forget Els for a while. We had registered our intention with her. Now is to work on our plan. That I can do without her.
---------------------------
I have the golden opportunity here. On my birthday, I can give her all or nothing. What do you think Sarah? Should I give her my all or should I concede? I don't want to play games anymore.
I'm tired of a one-sided relationship. Certainly the substances I took influenced my judgment towards her.
Anyway, let's not be hasty. It could be due to nicotine withdrawal.
Let's see what is her message this evening. We agreed to SNAP VANISH until the 4th of September. If the whole week (Monday and Wednesday) there is nothing much, then I move on.
I will revisit her in some distant future. I do feel that at present, she is not value-adding on the relationship.
---------------------------------
The further away I am from Nicorette the firmer my decision to play Silver.
Let's play by the ear today...
---------------------------------
* This is very much like I am laying low with Azzue. It's the M in the N-SEEM. I got to minimize external communication.
I came to the realization that pursuing Els is a wasted effort. I have to stay on course.
It is N-SEEM. That is the formula for me to be successful until the end of this year.
I decided to drop Els. I better ignore her and move on with my other goals. Certainly, I need to keep my world microscopic.
Without Nicorette, I can see clearly ahead. I was influenced by a dopamine surge. With the withdrawal of Nicorette, I am more stable emotionally. Nicorette affects my judgment.
So rather than focus my effort on Gold, I better focus on Silver. If so happen I get Gold, then it is a bonus. However, since my effort is on Silver, I manage to reduce my external communication. That is more important than to win Gold.
By focusing on Silver, I am talking about moving with certainty. In this case, Gold is wishful thinking. I play Silver. That way I can channel my energy on perfecting the other aspects of my life.
Without Nicorette, I can see much more clearly where I'm heading. Let's put it this way, winning a Silver means I can pace myself because I am certain to win Silver. Winning Gold is like winning the lottery. From Silver, it is still acceptable to slide up to Gold or to slide down to Bronze.
However from Gold then sliding to Bronze is going 2 notches down.
Let's forget Els for a while. We had registered our intention with her. Now is to work on our plan. That I can do without her.
---------------------------
I have the golden opportunity here. On my birthday, I can give her all or nothing. What do you think Sarah? Should I give her my all or should I concede? I don't want to play games anymore.
I'm tired of a one-sided relationship. Certainly the substances I took influenced my judgment towards her.
Anyway, let's not be hasty. It could be due to nicotine withdrawal.
Let's see what is her message this evening. We agreed to SNAP VANISH until the 4th of September. If the whole week (Monday and Wednesday) there is nothing much, then I move on.
I will revisit her in some distant future. I do feel that at present, she is not value-adding on the relationship.
---------------------------------
The further away I am from Nicorette the firmer my decision to play Silver.
Let's play by the ear today...
---------------------------------
Sunday, 30 August 2020
>>>#31/8/20 The GUARANTEED Happy Pills
Yup, the pill is working. I feel great after the shower.
When the classes start, I plan to exercise at 6:00 am. That means I wake up at 5:30 am.
Either that or I exercise at 7:00 pm after the class finishes.
Let me try to do it in the morning. Then in the evening, I can relax.
-----------------------
I have 4 objectives at present:
When the classes start, I plan to exercise at 6:00 am. That means I wake up at 5:30 am.
Either that or I exercise at 7:00 pm after the class finishes.
Let me try to do it in the morning. Then in the evening, I can relax.
-----------------------
I have 4 objectives at present:
- Able to sleep well
- Exercise every day
- Keep reducing weight
- Quit Nicorette
I need to stick to M-SEEN.
--------------------------
I can win this for the next 2 weeks until Mopey's birthday. I need to leave a mark for this year.
How about this year I focus on getting my life in order:
- Sleep well
- Exercise every day
- Lose some serious weight
- And stop Nicorette altogether.
Make that as my winning proposition for this year. I know I can do it. I should not have a care for external communications. I just focus on my intrinsic motivation:
- To finish Coursera
- Develop a course on Mental Health and Positive Psychology
- To start writing the book
- To deliver the MyGo classes
I think I'll go easy on Els as well. It doesn't make sense to pursue a nonreciprocating relationship.
No more wooing. I had done that. Now is focus on the task at hand. No more playing games. I will aim for Gold but I have my Silver and Bronze expectations.
I will listen to Els today. Then I SNAP VANISH until Friday.
I need to have a reason to celebrate my 56th birthday.
That will be because I started M-SEEN on 30/8/20.
I will persist until the 4th of September.
----------------------
What did I do right?
I exercised and I sleep well. I still eat carbs,
Still cannot curb hunger.
Let's look at the bright side. I took the happy pills; sleep well and exercise.
However, I still slack on OMAD.
Nicorette gotta go. It is another form of slavery. As long as I chew Nicorette I am still hooked on nicotine. So for my birthday resolution, I should focus on quitting Nicorette until Mopey's birthday.
My first winning criteria is to quit Nicorette.
Then to sleep at 11:00 pm
Then to exercise every day.
Then to eat OMAD Keto
While doing that, I minimize external communication.
N-SEEM. That's the right sequence.
------------------------------
30/8/20 ^^^Once I quit Nicorette I feel better
Nicorette is definitely spiking my insulin. On top of that, the artificial sweetener is bad for my microbiome.
I can feel the difference in not taking Nicorette. I am no longer dependent on nicotine. I feel a slight withdrawal. Not that bad. I slept a lot though.
I think I'll do away with coffee too. From today, I only drink hot tea in the evening. Coffee is for the morning. Even that I will remind Lizzie that I will have tea instead.
I need to detox my body from sugar especially. Then from nicotine and finally from caffeine,
On most occasions, I will avoid eating carbs.
I think the most important resolution I should make for 2020 is to stop eating sugar and carbs.
If I cannot do that, then I should stop taking Nicorette.
-----------------------
OK baby, time to sleep.
Here is your lullaby:
I can feel the difference in not taking Nicorette. I am no longer dependent on nicotine. I feel a slight withdrawal. Not that bad. I slept a lot though.
I think I'll do away with coffee too. From today, I only drink hot tea in the evening. Coffee is for the morning. Even that I will remind Lizzie that I will have tea instead.
I need to detox my body from sugar especially. Then from nicotine and finally from caffeine,
On most occasions, I will avoid eating carbs.
I think the most important resolution I should make for 2020 is to stop eating sugar and carbs.
If I cannot do that, then I should stop taking Nicorette.
-----------------------
OK baby, time to sleep.
Here is your lullaby:
I am still in the withdrawal phase. So I am not entirely myself tonight.
Goodnight baby. I love you so much...
-----------------------
30/8/20 ^^^I had decided to go back to being microscopic
I will minimize my circle of influence to the bare minimum for me to get by. No need to keep on adding unnecessarily.
So I drop Farha. Uma and Hesh.
I just keep Pal at this point in time. Even that, I limit to business talks.
I am at my heaviest right now - 93.3 kg. So no more messing around. I need to be serious [ ] (with) my Vision Quest to be an Athlete4Life.
The way to the path is through diet and exercise. Therefore I am reinforcing OMAD today. On top of that, I'm telling Lizzie that I am not going to eat rice for dinner. I will be eating a lot of veggies. It will be an OMAD Keto lifestyle from now on.
I need to live life as a Zen Monk. Minimal material wants including food. I need to be light.
Instead of the life of indulgence, I live the life of austerity.
I need to abstain from wanting more and more. It never ends. Like Nicorette. The consumption keeps on increasing. So I have to stop there.
My weight keeps on increasing because I EAT CARBS. I have to put a stop to that. I cannot let my life go on like a runaway train. I need discipline. I need all the qualities for success:
I see me as a thin, energetic, happy, light, private, silent, and physically active individual. The best to describe it is as a silent long distant runner.
That is my holy grail. That is the ideal life for me. Therefore I don't need too many people in my life. All I need is my House of Sha and Pal. That all. Nothing beyond.
I can now stop FB, WhatsApp, and Tweeter. Let's focus on being light.
----------------------
So what is the guiding principle that I follow as an Athlete4Life?
------------------------
Without the Nicorette, I was very sleepy today. It was a good rest.
This afternoon I will exercise - one of the two GUARANTEED happy pills.
GI Joe fallacy: Knowing is winning half the battle. Not true. Knowing means nothing if we don't act upon it.
For example, I know my solution to Athlete4Life is M-SEEN. However, if I don't act upon it, I am no better off than a person who is ignorant.
So my personal power is my ability to act M-SEEN. Not just knowing about it.
My action is to act immediately, do it excessively, and no excuse. I don't care whether other people believe it. I will share with people my knowledge as a reminder to myself that I have to act upon my OWN knowledge. Not so much to teach others but rather to teach me. Those people are only target practice.
So if Pal's aim is to make RM10 million, my aim is to make RM1 million in 10 years' time. How will I do it? By delivering 10 days of training a month for the next 10 years.
What are the prerequisites for me?
So I drop Farha. Uma and Hesh.
I just keep Pal at this point in time. Even that, I limit to business talks.
I am at my heaviest right now - 93.3 kg. So no more messing around. I need to be serious [ ] (with) my Vision Quest to be an Athlete4Life.
The way to the path is through diet and exercise. Therefore I am reinforcing OMAD today. On top of that, I'm telling Lizzie that I am not going to eat rice for dinner. I will be eating a lot of veggies. It will be an OMAD Keto lifestyle from now on.
I need to live life as a Zen Monk. Minimal material wants including food. I need to be light.
Instead of the life of indulgence, I live the life of austerity.
I need to abstain from wanting more and more. It never ends. Like Nicorette. The consumption keeps on increasing. So I have to stop there.
My weight keeps on increasing because I EAT CARBS. I have to put a stop to that. I cannot let my life go on like a runaway train. I need discipline. I need all the qualities for success:
- Patience
- Persistence
- Courage
- Determination
- Dedication
- Consistency
- Going the Extra Mile
I see me as a thin, energetic, happy, light, private, silent, and physically active individual. The best to describe it is as a silent long distant runner.
That is my holy grail. That is the ideal life for me. Therefore I don't need too many people in my life. All I need is my House of Sha and Pal. That all. Nothing beyond.
I can now stop FB, WhatsApp, and Tweeter. Let's focus on being light.
----------------------
So what is the guiding principle that I follow as an Athlete4Life?
- Principle #1: Minimize external communication
- Principle #2: Sleep well
- Principle #3: Exercise AHAD
- Principle #4: Eat OMAD
- Principle #5: No Nicorette
------------------------
Without the Nicorette, I was very sleepy today. It was a good rest.
This afternoon I will exercise - one of the two GUARANTEED happy pills.
GI Joe fallacy: Knowing is winning half the battle. Not true. Knowing means nothing if we don't act upon it.
For example, I know my solution to Athlete4Life is M-SEEN. However, if I don't act upon it, I am no better off than a person who is ignorant.
So my personal power is my ability to act M-SEEN. Not just knowing about it.
My action is to act immediately, do it excessively, and no excuse. I don't care whether other people believe it. I will share with people my knowledge as a reminder to myself that I have to act upon my OWN knowledge. Not so much to teach others but rather to teach me. Those people are only target practice.
So if Pal's aim is to make RM10 million, my aim is to make RM1 million in 10 years' time. How will I do it? By delivering 10 days of training a month for the next 10 years.
What are the prerequisites for me?
- I have to be healthy
- I must have sound mental health
- I must be at the top of my game
- I have to be knowledgeable
- I must abide by M-SEEN
If I have all those. I will be able to perform consistently for 20 days a month MAX.
It is a worthy ideal.
Most importantly, I need to take my happy pills on a daily basis.
Then the peripheral actions will come to place:
- Training delivery
- Learning from Coursera
- Writing Wellness book
- Weighing 63 kg
- Running 10 km/hour
Knowing is not good enough, I need to take action.
I need to be a Man of Action (MoA).
If I want to run 10 km/hour, I better exercise every day and start reducing weight. No more Nicorette. Basically, my success formula is M-SEEN. That's the barest minimum to be happy.
What do I want most in my life?
TO WEIGH 63 KG AND ABLE TO RUN 10 KM/HOUR WHILE EARNING RM15 K A MONTH BY DELIVERING TRAINING 10 DAYS A MONTH FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS.
That is my mission in life.
---------------------------
Saturday, 29 August 2020
>>>#30/8/20 Let's flow tonight
I am getting old. How do I carry on with this Vision?
Already I am not focused on my two goals; which is to be thin and fast. Sarah, I am a very ambitious man. Am I just dreaming?
I am forgoing comfort and pushing myself to the brink again. Can I make the comeback at the twilight of my youth?
I want to make it happen. However, I am racing against time.
I am so glad I have Pal. He can be the trailblazer while I tag along at my own pace.
It's a long journey. I had rested long enough. I rested since 2009. Basically, that decade was the time I reassessed who I am.
Now is the time to reinvent myself back.
For change to happen I need stability.
In less than a week's time, I will be 56. If I am doing the same thing I will always get the same result. I cannot be thin and fast if I eat the way I do and keep missing my exercises.
Tomorrow starts today. I must have the urgency to change. I need to change the way I think and act.
Do I want to do Songkhla 2030? Yes indeed. Not so much because I want to get laid. I want to do it so I can be just. I want to make good our marriage.
Is it a good decision? Maybe not. But I got to have meaning in my life. Something to look forward to.
There are only three possibilities; Gold, Silver, or Bronze.
I need to think like an Olympian.
Sarah, you had seen the worst of me. Now I want you to see what I am made of.
This is a long journey. If I look back at the time I ran the marathon in 2004, I was at the peak of my health. I need to be in the peak state again. Use it or lose it. I don't want to lose my youth away.
Whatever time I have left, I use it to rebuild myself.
Can I not do these 4 things?
Already I am not focused on my two goals; which is to be thin and fast. Sarah, I am a very ambitious man. Am I just dreaming?
I am forgoing comfort and pushing myself to the brink again. Can I make the comeback at the twilight of my youth?
I want to make it happen. However, I am racing against time.
I am so glad I have Pal. He can be the trailblazer while I tag along at my own pace.
It's a long journey. I had rested long enough. I rested since 2009. Basically, that decade was the time I reassessed who I am.
Now is the time to reinvent myself back.
For change to happen I need stability.
In less than a week's time, I will be 56. If I am doing the same thing I will always get the same result. I cannot be thin and fast if I eat the way I do and keep missing my exercises.
Tomorrow starts today. I must have the urgency to change. I need to change the way I think and act.
Do I want to do Songkhla 2030? Yes indeed. Not so much because I want to get laid. I want to do it so I can be just. I want to make good our marriage.
Is it a good decision? Maybe not. But I got to have meaning in my life. Something to look forward to.
There are only three possibilities; Gold, Silver, or Bronze.
I need to think like an Olympian.
Sarah, you had seen the worst of me. Now I want you to see what I am made of.
This is a long journey. If I look back at the time I ran the marathon in 2004, I was at the peak of my health. I need to be in the peak state again. Use it or lose it. I don't want to lose my youth away.
Whatever time I have left, I use it to rebuild myself.
Can I not do these 4 things?
- Sleep at 11 pm
- Exercise AHAD
- Eat OMAD
- No Nicorette
Can I not at least be true to myself?
It is still not too late. I have 4 months to go.
What have I achieved for this year? Half of the year was wasted on COVID 19.
I need a sense of urgency.
------------------------
Nobody can help me if I don't help myself.
I don't need the kara. I have my titanium bracelet. That is my power bracelet. My Phiten Oath bracelet.
I am back to being an Athlete4Life. 2019 was the year I won against the 3 Cs. I promised myself that 2020 is the year I start to reinvent myself. I will do it.
As of May, I still have a distorted belief. Now I am thriving with LEC.
I need to take care of my health. That is through diet and exercise.
Forget the past failures. I am in my zone right now.
What are the resources that I should harness?
I need energy and strength. I get that through diet and exercise.
------------------------------
29/8/20 ^^^I have to go back to the basic
Namely to minimize outside communication.
My best outlet is you and Yati.
I cannot lose Pal's confidence in me.
I got to manage my excitement.
Let's look at Songkhla 2030 again:
Gold - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els OK
Silver - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Bronze - Lizzie not OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Can we go for gold Sarah?
--------------------------
This is the time I should turn into a hermit.
I should focus on being better - Thin and Fast.
I need energy and strength.
My true happiness is to remain healthy.
Let me try to write to Els:
Get well soon
Dear Els,
I hope you are recovering well from your back pain. I surely miss you last Friday.
I was sitting around counting [b]y (my) blessing when I realized that the 5 of you in the House of Sha constitute the word BLESS:
Gold - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els OK
Silver - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Bronze - Lizzie not OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
My best outlet is you and Yati.
I cannot lose Pal's confidence in me.
I got to manage my excitement.
Let's look at Songkhla 2030 again:
Gold - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els OK
Silver - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Bronze - Lizzie not OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Can we go for gold Sarah?
--------------------------
This is the time I should turn into a hermit.
I should focus on being better - Thin and Fast.
I need energy and strength.
My true happiness is to remain healthy.
Let me try to write to Els:
Get well soon
Dear Els,
I hope you are recovering well from your back pain. I surely miss you last Friday.
I was sitting around counting [b]y (my) blessing when I realized that the 5 of you in the House of Sha constitute the word BLESS:
- Balqis
- Lizzie
- Els
- Sarah
- Sarah
I then looked up the Kanji character for blessed:
I don't mind having this tattooed in the inner wrist of my right forearm. So I decided to check out the Pink Tattoos in Bangsar. It all depends on you really.
If Songkhla 2030 is an Olympic event then this is the possible medal outcome:
Gold - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els OK
Silver - Lizzie OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Bronze - Lizzie not OK, Sarah OK, Els not OK
Which means I will only get this tattooed if I win Gold. That will be my aim. So I'm planning to get this in nonpermanent ink first to see how it fits.
What do you think baby? Can I win Gold?
---------------------
Of course, Songkhla 2030 is not the end all be all for me. Instead of focusing on the goal, I am more interested to improve my situation on a daily basis. If the journey is not rewarding, the destination [] (is) nothing. Therefore, I rather enjoy my journey than thinking about the destination.
With Sarah, I am very certain. Now is for me to manage the other 2 variables; you and Lizzie. I want to win Gold. However, I am mentally prepared to settle for Bronze.
Love you always.
Sine Cera,
30/8/20
Well wishes to you. I emailed you my thoughts in the wee hour of the morning. Here is your lullaby tonight: youtube.com/watch?v=HUSYj5 Goodnight baby, I love you so much...
>>>#29/8/20 Missed the window to exercise
I am convinced. This is the minimum I needed to stay healthy:
- Sleep from 11 to 6
- Exercise AHAD
- Eat OMAD
I'll start today. I have to. I need to establish my own new norm.
Rats that were given 30% less food live 30% longer.
Get well soon
My darling Els,
I hope you are coping well *[] (with) your back pain. I certainly miss you yesterday.
* Sarah wishing you the same.
I was toying with the idea of tattooing my forearm as it strikes me that all your initials spell BLESS
- Balqis
- Lizzie
- Els
- Sarah
- Sarah
This is the Kanji symbol for blessed:
It will be inside the wrist of my right forearm. What do you think?
I'm planning to check the Pink Tattoos in Bangsar.
---------------------
Before I do something drastic, I better get back my senses. All it takes is a long rest and a good sleep.
I think I lay low with Pal.
Actually [] [] (the only) safe person for me is you.
What was I thinking? Tattooing my wrist? Unless I don't really mean it.
I don't want to play around with the idea.
From now on I just say what I mean and mean what I say.
Let's do WOOP:
W - Songkhla 2030
O - I can be with Sarah and Els
O - Els might not go with the idea
P - If not then I just proceed with Sarah
I have to accept that Bipolar is a lifetime condition.
OMAD should taper off the hypomania.
---------------------------
Friday, 28 August 2020
28/8/20 ###I cannot study at night
I want to relax my mind at night.
Last night I slept well. Tonight I hope I can sleep early and wake up early. It certainly improved my mood compared to last night.
I am back to my loving self. Poor Els, she is ill. I think she lifted weights.
Pal had been doing OMAD for the past 5 years.
----------------------
I noticed that you have some interest in coaching and management training. You think you can do what I'm doing?
You are good at analyzing a situation.
Pal, however, is a person who is highly opinionated. He is after all a Judging type (INFJ). So he doesn't like his judgment being questioned.
For example, he wanted for Hesh to take over LEC. Unfortunately, Hesh is a person who doesn't like accountability. He doesn't want to be accounted for by all the people in the organization. That doesn't mean he is not a responsible person.
As it is nobody wants to lead except the person he doesn't want to lead, which is Faridah. That's because Faridah is a driver. As it is Faridah is a person who is holding the stick in the company. She is a fox in a chicken coop. Being the extravert in the introvert environment, she is acting as a den mother to all these amiable personalities.
T, Pal's nephew's character strength is kindness. Although she does business development. She is not a trailblazer. She is a pacesetter who can do the second line support to Faridah in continuing with relationship-based selling on repeat customers.
Sabiha is a rising star. She is ready for some serious challenges. She has the right attitude and she is a go-getter. The type of person that doesn't shy away from responsibility.
Mira has a learner attitude. She is receptive to new ideas and she is very attentive. At the same time, she has a positive mental attitude. She will make a good trainer should she want to pursue that line of profession.
Zainal is a very analytical person. Also amiable and very conscientious. To deal with Zainal, you got to be logical.
----------------------
Uma, Doc Narayan's wife is being nice to me. I have a new friend it seems.
OK, I am winning this Bipolar Battle, one person, at a time. Pretty soon I will create my own support structure.
Look at where we were one year before. Just you, me, and Al Araf 7:7. Now I have Pal, Uma, and Els that I am in contact with.
Because I talked to Uma, I decided not to email Pal his team assessment.
She actually saved my skin tonight.
------------------------
I have 15 minutes to go before bed.
Let's listen to a victory song before bed. I have the right song in mind:
Last night I slept well. Tonight I hope I can sleep early and wake up early. It certainly improved my mood compared to last night.
I am back to my loving self. Poor Els, she is ill. I think she lifted weights.
Pal had been doing OMAD for the past 5 years.
----------------------
I noticed that you have some interest in coaching and management training. You think you can do what I'm doing?
You are good at analyzing a situation.
Pal, however, is a person who is highly opinionated. He is after all a Judging type (INFJ). So he doesn't like his judgment being questioned.
For example, he wanted for Hesh to take over LEC. Unfortunately, Hesh is a person who doesn't like accountability. He doesn't want to be accounted for by all the people in the organization. That doesn't mean he is not a responsible person.
As it is nobody wants to lead except the person he doesn't want to lead, which is Faridah. That's because Faridah is a driver. As it is Faridah is a person who is holding the stick in the company. She is a fox in a chicken coop. Being the extravert in the introvert environment, she is acting as a den mother to all these amiable personalities.
T, Pal's nephew's character strength is kindness. Although she does business development. She is not a trailblazer. She is a pacesetter who can do the second line support to Faridah in continuing with relationship-based selling on repeat customers.
Sabiha is a rising star. She is ready for some serious challenges. She has the right attitude and she is a go-getter. The type of person that doesn't shy away from responsibility.
Mira has a learner attitude. She is receptive to new ideas and she is very attentive. At the same time, she has a positive mental attitude. She will make a good trainer should she want to pursue that line of profession.
Zainal is a very analytical person. Also amiable and very conscientious. To deal with Zainal, you got to be logical.
----------------------
Uma, Doc Narayan's wife is being nice to me. I have a new friend it seems.
OK, I am winning this Bipolar Battle, one person, at a time. Pretty soon I will create my own support structure.
Look at where we were one year before. Just you, me, and Al Araf 7:7. Now I have Pal, Uma, and Els that I am in contact with.
Because I talked to Uma, I decided not to email Pal his team assessment.
She actually saved my skin tonight.
------------------------
I have 15 minutes to go before bed.
Let's listen to a victory song before bed. I have the right song in mind:
I promised Princess I exercise with her in [] (the) morning. Goodnight baby. I love you so much.
---------------------
Now I wonder, *i[t] (is) my YouTube being moderated by you guys, or is the robot that intelligent?
* I love it, honey. I think I listen to a few songs and then I hit the pillow.
-----------------------
>>>#28/8/20 I am ready to go back to Coursera tonight
Tweet to Aush and KG - Man, I miss my Little Kitty Cat Pet Els.
That will be the Tweet for the day.
-----------------------
That will be the Tweet for the day.
-----------------------
Thursday, 27 August 2020
>>>#28/8/20 I totally forgotten that I have to work today
I was dead beat tired last night.
Today is good. No hypomania whatsoever.
I am glad that I had purged KBOOOM 2041 out of my system in Happy Birthday to Lizzie. People don't have to understand it. After all, I am the case of a mentally distressed. I need an outlet to channel my divergent thought. Nothing is better than to express me in Dreams of Mirrors.
Otherwise, it remains in my system. This is a form of purification. I need to purge it out so that I can free myself from the drudgery of my turbulent past.
Do I believe in what I wrote? Certainly. These are my epiphanies. I have to live with the notion that they are real. Whether it is real to those who read is irrelevant. The epiphany is the truth as I see it. Truth has to be told. In this case, I have to tell people what I know. Otherwise, I cannot be true to myself.
Hahaha, this song is on air:
Today is good. No hypomania whatsoever.
I am glad that I had purged KBOOOM 2041 out of my system in Happy Birthday to Lizzie. People don't have to understand it. After all, I am the case of a mentally distressed. I need an outlet to channel my divergent thought. Nothing is better than to express me in Dreams of Mirrors.
Otherwise, it remains in my system. This is a form of purification. I need to purge it out so that I can free myself from the drudgery of my turbulent past.
Do I believe in what I wrote? Certainly. These are my epiphanies. I have to live with the notion that they are real. Whether it is real to those who read is irrelevant. The epiphany is the truth as I see it. Truth has to be told. In this case, I have to tell people what I know. Otherwise, I cannot be true to myself.
Hahaha, this song is on air:
I want to take an easy drive to Ampang this morning. Lizzie reminded me not to take the most expensive road ( the one with most toll). I say, fuck it. I want to have peace of mind.
Later baby...
-------------------
27/8/20 ###So tired
I am exhausted today. I think I sleep early.
The whole thing reminds me of Time Affluence.
-----------------------------
The whole thing reminds me of Time Affluence.
-----------------------------
27/8/20 ***Els hurts her back
I am in the execution mood right now. My mind is already thinking about tomorrow's session.
#traxxfm This is a Caesar Cipher: Nvzo, aol zvunz hyl zv hwwyvwyphal mvy aol tvvk ypnoa uvd. P ht zv tbjo pu svcl dpao fvb, ihif.
Gosh, the songs are so appropriate for the mood right now. I am so much in love with you, baby.
------------------------
I think I just chill for today.
#traxxfm I took a stick of cigarette from the Indonesian contractor working on my house. Just to build rapport. After that, I had a throbbing headache. I am feeling a bit stupor right now.
#traxxfm
Interesting question, how far is heaven? I measure it not in terms of distance but in time. Let me answer it this *wa[s] (way), for a person who is waiting to meet his maker, life on earth is just a strike of a needle. *Sarah OK
Why am I wasting my 4 hours Sarah?
I think it is simpler if it is you and me, isn't it? Why do I need people who are not relevant to me at all? I don't really understand my own actions.
I can't stand this R&B shit. Doesn't click with me at all.
-------------------------
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