31/8/20 ***I just had dinner

There is a compulsion to chew the gum but the desire is not as strong as when I was smoking cigarettes.

I think I can manage the urge.

I also can manage the urge not to contact Els. 

I am quite certain I want to break the addiction to Els.

I don't want to have any addiction to whatsoever.

This year I decided to break my addiction to Nicorette on Lizzie's birthday.  I am a little bit of the mark (as I usually do) but I will still persist.  Considering I want to quit Nicorette, I might as well quit Els since she is nonreciprocating and noncommitting.

Did I come to the right conclusion?  Well, will it make a difference?  I decided not to go for Gold.  Therefore I might as well not dabble in the issue indefinitely.

I will revisit the issue again in the years to come.  For the time being it is No Nicorette = No Els.  They are addictions.

My primary goal is to quit Nicorette.  Along the way, I might as well quit Els. 

Is that the right decision?  Will that *[] (make) me move with certainty?

* Well and good.  We cannot have FUD.  At the same time, we can still revisit this decision later on.  However, I had lost my appetite for Gold.  So many question marks.  I cannot afford that.  I need to look at my capability and look at the terrain.

Even if I am capable but the terrain is unchartered, then we are only asking for trouble.

The way to proceed is if she is certain about Gold.  Otherwise, I cannot proceed with my preparation for Songkhla 2030.

So many questions left hanging.  I don't know if she is committed.  So rather than waiting until the last minute to know what is in her mind, I rather unhook now and deal with it later.

I cannot be expecting something and later on become disappointed.

I need to break the addiction.

-----------------------------

-----------------------

I still salivate when I think about Nicorette.