31/8/20 ^^^Time to N-SEEM SNAP VANISH

I better do it.  Do nothing *th[is] (that) is of no use.

* This is very much like I am laying low with Azzue.  It's the M in the N-SEEM.  I got to minimize external communication.

I came to the realization that pursuing Els is a wasted effort.  I have to stay on course.

It is N-SEEM.  That is the formula for me to be successful until the end of this year.

I decided to drop Els.  I better ignore her and move on with my other goals.  Certainly, I need to keep my world microscopic.

Without Nicorette, I can see clearly ahead.  I was influenced by a dopamine surge.  With the withdrawal of Nicorette, I am more stable emotionally.  Nicorette affects my judgment.

So rather than focus my effort on Gold, I better focus on Silver.  If so happen I get Gold, then it is a bonus.  However, since my effort is on Silver, I manage to reduce my external communication.  That is more important than to win Gold.

By focusing on Silver, I am talking about moving with certainty.  In this case, Gold is wishful thinking.  I play Silver.  That way I can channel my energy on perfecting the other aspects of my life.

Without Nicorette, I can see much more clearly where I'm heading.  Let's put it this way, winning a Silver means I can pace myself because I am certain to win Silver.  Winning Gold is like winning the lottery.  From Silver, it is still acceptable to slide up to Gold or to slide down to Bronze.

However from Gold then sliding to Bronze is going 2 notches down.

Let's forget Els for a while.  We had registered our intention with her.  Now is to work on our plan.  That I can do without her.

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I have the golden opportunity here.  On my birthday, I can give her all or nothing.  What do you think Sarah?  Should I give her my all or should I concede?  I don't want to play games anymore.

I'm tired of a one-sided relationship.  Certainly the substances I took influenced my judgment towards her.

Anyway, let's not be hasty.  It could be due to nicotine withdrawal.

Let's see what is her message this evening.  We agreed to SNAP VANISH until the 4th of September.  If the whole week (Monday and Wednesday) there is nothing much, then I move on.

I will revisit her in some distant future.  I do feel that at present, she is not value-adding on the relationship.

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The further away I am from Nicorette the firmer my decision to play Silver.

Let's play by the ear today...

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