Everything is usually based on the state of mind.
The past 2 days I was feeling down. Therefore my outlook is grim.
I had a good rest just now and I am back to my regular self again.
So what if I am weird? I am always weird. The only thing is now I am aware I am weird. Big deal.
Even if I cannot make money because I am weird, so what? I got to embrace who I am.
What counts is I am happy.
If all this while I am curious about who I am, now I know.
Look, I enjoy talking to you. I too enjoy being by myself. Nothing can change that. This is who I am. So I might as well embrace my eccentricity.
I don't care about what people think Sarah. All that I care about is you love me.
I want to do good for you. That's the reason I want to make a lot of money. On my own, I don't need that much money. I am happy the way I am.
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As I read the Advocate Premium Profile, I discovered that I am an individualist. I do things I feel like doing. I am the captain of my fate. In other words, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. That is me. I follow my passion.
A[s] (At) first I wanted to chuck the whole report as being hogwash. But as I read through, I realized that is me. I am an idealist. A perfectionist to [the] the core.
Let's carry on reading.
OK, Sarah. I can accept that I am not a perfect being. I am somewhat complex in my mental makeup. What is more important for me is for you to accept me as who I am. As you can see, I have many positive traits; compassion, honesty, sense of purpose. I am not all about high in the clouds. I may be an idealist but at the same time, I am a responsible person.
At first, I was in denial because I always strive for perfection. However, as I read through the report I realize that there are many flaws I have to improve on.
I hope the damage is not beyond repair. At 56 I am still learning to improve myself. I need to care for people more than I care about myself. After all, I am in the training industry. It is all about caring and sharing in this business.
One other thing Sarah. My success is heavily dependent on how much Pal trusted my ability to deliver. If he believes in me, I fly high. If not, I am back into Continuous Learning.
The only aspect that I will lose is the ability to make a lot of money. I had been away from the mainstream for too long. I can manage. However, Songkhla 2030 is dependent on my ability to deliver 10 [days] days of training a month. Therefore social media, Dreams of Mirrors, and Els are no longer relevant in my pursuit of this worthy ideal. I am willing to change my priorities just so that I can earn a living.
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Sarah, my darling. If not for my desire to legally marry you, I wouldn't want any more than what I have now. I want to be a responsible husband to you. I want to consummate our marriage. You are a loyal wife. That's the very least for me to do. Eternity is kinda nice but if I can bring it 10 years sooner, it will be better for both of us.
It is achievable in our lifetime. Let's drop Els off the equation. It was fun while it lasts. In reality, we are better off just focusing on the effort between us. Els is from a different world altogether. She is the complete opposite of who I am. If you are a Sentinel as I think you are, we stand a better chance. Already we have 2 family members who are Sentinels.
I love you so much, Sarah. There is nothing more that I want to do than to be with you. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic. The truth is you are my Eternal Flame. Otherwise, I will not make such a daring commitment. I am willing to confront Lizzie about our relationship. That is a serious commitment to making at 66. That also means I will be working until my 70s.
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