It is very clear now that I have issues that I need to resolve.
Once and for all, I am not anybody special. I am a person with a mental disorder. All the thoughts in the past 20 years were distorted beliefs about who I am. I saw myself as special. Others see me as an off-balanced mental patient. I have to forgo the 20 years belief that I am the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. I was crazy and to a certain extend I still believe I am special. I am not special. I have a mental illness. Just like people who are suffering from epilepsy are not special, so are people who are suffering from Bipolar Disorder.
Can I still function as a contributing member of society? I believe I can. All I need to do is minimize my usage of social media and getting excited about pussies.
2019 is very clear. I got rid of the 3 Cs. 2020 is a bit of a challenge. I need to maintain sanity and be able to function as a member of society. I need to be able to deliver training courses without having to experience mania.
My best strategy is still to nibble and run. Go with the flow. It is important that I remain private. Whether I am able to train for 20 days a month is up to Pal. Therefore I should not focus on that. My focus is on completing Coursera and writing the Wellness book.
At the same time, I should remain autonomous. Whether I am a fully functioning person or somebody who has to live with this illness for the rest of my life, I have to say that I had earned my independence. My only issue is I don't have much money. That should not be a hindrance for me to live a healthy and happy life. As it is I made it in life. I have no debt, my time is cash and I am as free as a bird.
I should not let my goal in delivering 10 days of training a month to derail me from what matters; which is to be who I was meant to be regardless of the illness.
So today, I will stick to my pla[y] (plan) to finish reading the report and then study Coursera. This next one month I will dedicate my time to remain in incubation in order to enhance my knowledge and skill to reenter the marketplace.
I have to decide on my level of readiness. Not Pal. Acquiring knowledge is my first priority. While it is nice to start making money, I should not rush into it. That's because once I start delivering, I no longer have the time to learn. Furthermore, I only have until the end of this year to finish learning from Coursera.
So having said that, it is time I focus on what's matter.
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