I look forward to delivering training courses and start earning some money. I started to feel slightly burnout from attending one course after another. I want to have some interactions with people and make some cash.
Today is a particularly hot day.
I'll take it easy today. Pal is very elusive. I am not going to push him to make any commitment. That allows me to concentrate on Coursera. I'll start on a new course tomorrow.
My energy is very low these past few days.
Pal might just chicken out on me. Whatever it is I want to carry on with [] (what) I had set to do. You never know when preparation meets opportunity.
I am not in a hurry anyway.
I have 5 goals:
- Weigh 65 kg
- Develop a course on Mental Health and Positive Psychology
- Write a book on Wellness
- Deliver 10 days of training a month
- Exercise AHAD
Sarah, don't worry so much about Songkhla 2030. If it is meant to be, it will happen. As it is, I [] (had) set the target. Then I work backward to make it happen. Be mindful that the plan is dependent on Pal's confidence in my ability to train. If he changes his mind, I will not stand a chance. So just hope he is serious with his commitment. In the meantime, I will proceed with my original plan to finish the Coursera courses.
Since I am taking a break this evening, let's enjoy the moment. I cannot wait to get my third certificate. I already completed the Science of Success.
Basically, I am going with the flow right now. This year is the year I reboot my career. If the September classes start I will start earning some money. If not, I just continue with Coursera. I already have enough things on my plate. I am in no hurry to make money. It is not entirely up to me.
It will be nice if I only deliver the training without having to develop the course. My idea of course development is coming up with a PowerPoint presentation. Pal's idea is to come up with the student manual. What I'll do is to focus on content and delivery. It is easy for him to point to the things that he wants. I on the other hand has to design and develop the course. All that without getting paid a single cent.
So, if I take my time developing my core competencies while designing the course, there is nothing much he can say about it. I am doing it at my expense. Therefore it is justified that he invests in the laptop and the Train the Trainer certification.
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Funny Sarah... As I am listening to Els, I feel that I am listening to a very distant stranger. I had poured my heart to her and yet she is just another stranger in my list of familiar strangers. Right now she is just a DJ in Traxxfm. Nobody special. Considering the things I did and said, she means nothing to me now. I am over with my feelings toward her.
I still listen to her because I need a differentiator in my life. She is a muse. That's all. Anybody can be a muse. Taylor Swift is definitely a worthy muse. You don't need to have a relationship to be inspired by a muse. By my definition, a muse is somebody who can lift up your mood. In the park where I walk in the morning, there is this pretty motivated chick. Just by looking at her, I feel very motivated indeed.
Els is like that. She is a ball of energy. By listening to her, I get uplifted. However, I am not sexually attracted to her. She is just a kitty cat pet. I was crazy about her because she is smart, funny, and goofy. Our personalities are the opposite. So I doubt that she will ever fall for me. All in all, my time spent on Els is pretty much me doing my rape of the mind. When I am done, slam, bam, thank you, ma'am.
The actions served the purpose of that time. I need somebody to ground the overflowing emotions. However, since it is nonreciprocating, it has a shelflife. I may be a feeling person. However, I am a thinking person too. I don't let my emotion override my thoughts.
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Let's talk about Pal. Although Pal is a caring person, would you believe he is a person with low self-esteem? In a fight or flight situation, he chooses to flee. Imagine, he cannot even stand up to Zali. It's not a small standoff. Already Zali had coaxed him RM300 k, he is going to coax Pal another RM360 k. You know what is funny? Pal willingly obliges. There must be something Pal is not telling me. The guy took all the cash and left him with RM2 million debt and yet he is willing to pay more after 3 years of splitting. That is extortion.
The thing that makes me uneasy with Pal is his word and action are not congruent. He is a people pleaser but he cannot carry through with his commitments. Simple things, so many times he said he calls me but never did. So I classify him as a sweet talker but noncommittal.
At best, my relationship with Pal is a fixed deposit. At worst, it is just a flight of fancy. Notice the chasm in between? Honestly, Sarah, I don't know how committed is this guy. I do hope he is a success. He is my only hope to make it big again.
These two people occupy my thoughts these past few days. Not you typical energizers I suppose. In order for me to achieve my personal goals, I have to get past other people's idiosyncrasies. I do hope I can work out my own peculiarities along the way.
My main challenge is to keep the illness at bay. Pal is a bit jittery about that. What can I do Sarah? At best I stop social media.
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