31/8/20 ^^^Beyond addiction is freedom

The more I resist my urge to chew Nicorette and to contact Els, the more liberating I feel about myself.

Both Nicorette and Els are fleeting happiness.  They are the happiness that is influenced by dopamine surge.  This is so true in the case of Nicorette.  As it is nicotine is nothing.  However when we associate nicotine with a happy event (like being with Els), then the happy event becomes the trigger and the Nicorette becomes the anchor.

I have to break this correlation if I am to live life addiction free.  Certainly, Els and Nicorette are both dopamine addictions.

To a certain extend, my relationship with Sarah is also a dopamine surge.  However, the amplitude is not as high as when I communicate with Els.

I have to learn to control my dopamine surge.  Otherwise, I will end up as a dopamine addict.

I realized I can control the surge through diet and exercise.  I don't need an external stimulus to make me feel good.

The idea here is to create a higher value on intrinsic motivation and not depending so much on extrinsic motivation.

For example, my intrinsic motivation is to be thin and fast while my extrinsic motivation is to make RM1 million.  Rightfully I should focus on being thin and fast while I have the clarity of purpose to train 10 days a month.  I can even train for 20 days a month when I am aligned with my intrinsic motivation.

If I can do that then I am a true winner.  I don't need to rely on extrinsic motivation at all to be happy.

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Now that I am not on Nicorette, I can see things as it is.  My perception is not clouded by the neurochemicals.  I can think very clearly.  In other words, I see my life's situation as if I am a bystander looking in rather than a participant looking out.

I have to say this, ELS IS NONRECIPROCAL AND NONCOMMITAL.

That's my thoughts when I am not on Nicorette.

Is that the right thought?  As I ride the bronco, I realized that I am breaking it.  This is a wild bronco.  The more I hang on to it the more clearer my thoughts without the dopamine surge.

In the case of the Nicorette, I began to see it as it is.  Initially, it makes me feel better, but after a while, my body builds tolerance until I depend on it just to get back to point zero.

It takes 2 weeks to break a habit albeit Nicorette, Els, or even carbs craving.  I will endure until Mopey's birthday. 

Every year Lizzie's birthday is for me to aim, my birthday is to align and Mopey's birthday is to shoot.

I think I SNAP VANISH for good.

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