Honey,
I am in a dilemma right now; to continue with the Nicorette cessation or to reset the quit date. In the end, I decided to persist one more day.
As Robert Frost mentioned:
“I am no longer concerned with good and evil. What concerns me is whether my offering will be acceptable.”.
That all to it. Whether my offering will be acceptable. After all, I believe in God and the afterlife. My only gripe is I don't subscribe to one religion. It could mean I subscribe to all or none. It doesn't matter. I don't believe that I need ONE religion to enter heaven. In the first place, I don't see the afterlife as either heaven or hell.
There could be such a place for those who believe. After all, we are what we believe. Which means whatever we believe will endure for eternity.
If that is the case, I rather follow my consciousness now since it is pointing me to a different future than what those religions are saying.
My religion is a religion of kindness and gratitude. I don't need the whole world to follow me. All they got to do is Do Good and Do No Harm.
If you want to split hair about me having to choose a religion, then my religion is Zen Buddhism. However, *[] (I) don't subscribe to all the 16 Percepts of Bodhisattva.
* Right. Whether it is Buddhism, Islam, Sikhism, Christianity, or Sufism, I don't have any preset tenets when comes to religion.
In my case, I am areligious as in I am impartial about religion.
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Tonight is the eve of my birthday.
I want to do something different.
From now on I will only Tweet Els on trivial matters. No more on serious stuff. Anything serious, I'll write her an email.
Hang on. I'm going for a quick shower...
Let's write to Els:
Dear Els,
Since I quit Nicorette, I became less expressive in my writing. I guess I am less euphoric and thus more somber.
Fuck it... I am not in the mood to do expressive writing.
I am experiencing agitation without the Nicorette.
I have to say this: On the 5th day, I still feel like shit without Nicorette.
It is a very powerful substance.
What if I put nicotine at the same level as heroin? That means quitting is no longer an option.
Whatever it is, I need to get to 15/9/20. This is no small joke.
It is breaking a MAJOR addiction. It is as if I haven't quit cigarettes because the nicotine is still inside my body. Allen Carr was right. You cannot replace one addictive substance with another addictive substance.
The agony of not having nicotine is there. Fuck... I had been fooled. Nicorette is damn addictive.
Fine, I'll fight this addiction one day at a time until 15/9/20.
I just realized, one strip of Nicorette has the same amount of nicotine as ONE PACK of cigarettes.
I only minus the smoke. I did not get rid of the addiction.
I got to do this. Otherwise, I'm just replacing one addiction with another. It costs the same on a daily basis. The damn Nicorette is selling at the same price as a pack of cigarettes.
Baby, this battle is real. As long as I am hooked on nicotine, I am just one puff away from smoking a cigarette.
Last year I managed to quit the 3 Cs (Cigarettes, Cannabis, and Cunts). To commemorate the occasion I bought a titanium bracelet with 3 titanium balls infused in the bracelet. After wearing it for a while, I realized that the middle ball has gone missing.
So I take it that the bracelet *i[t] (is) my oath to stay away from Cigarettes, CUNTS, and Cannabis. You get my point? Two balls and one cavity in the middle?
* To do that I need to learn how to regulate dopamine. I got to learn and manage my neurotransmitters.
These are some of the little "miracles" that happen in my life. Pretty much as what had been stated by Hume:
According to Hume, no matter what miracles God performs, it is always more reasonable to believe that the event in question has a natural cause and is not miraculous.
So, darling, miracles do happen. It's the uncommon daily occurrences that most people take for granted.
I have a high sensory acuity. So when something happens, I will look at what that event means to me.
For example on the day our late prime minister, Tun Abdul Razak passed on, his portrait in my classroom fell off. Nobody paid any attention. I took note and I still remember it. That night during the 8:00 pm news we got to know he passed away that same morning.
Are all these coincidences? Now they have a fancy term for it. It's called patternicity. I don't believe in coincidences. Especially after I had proven to you that we are predestined affinity. That *[] (is)further supported by the causes-set-in-motions from the time you told me to be kind to the time I enrolled in Coursera.
* I have a saying, Sarah. "A Sufi lives a magical life for he sees the world through his heart" - Sharudin Jamal.
Hence, I see magic as it unfolds. In Arabic this is known as karomah. I had encountered many of them.
The earliest was when I was five. I was playing [m]y (by) the window in my grandmother's house. Before I knew it I was dangling head down from the window. My tummy acted as the balancer of my body which was dangling. I cannot reverse back because I had passed the tipping point.
As I was facing towards the ground, I said, "Is this the way I'm going to die?".
Then I felt somebody pulled me back in. When I looked, there was no one except me. That time at that tender age, I developed one of the most profound belief systems for myself. I came to believe that I have a "Guardian". That why I have very little to fear. I always believe that I have a guardian looking over me.
To prove the point, I survived two head-on collisions and several death-defying stunts including being hacked from the back with a machete. That earned me 7 stitches.
All are grandpa stories now...
I got to sleep. Not because I am sleepy but because I want to wake up at 6:00 am tomorrow.
Love you always.
Sine Cera,
4/9/20
Yay, it's my birthday today. Nothing much to it, talked about some grandpa stories in the email. Here is your lullaby: youtube.com/watch?v=jenWdy A song that played across USA on the year I was born LOL. Goodnight baby. Love you so much...
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