Songkhla 2030 is a reality if I can deliver 10 days of classes a month for the next 10 years.
It is a fantasy if I cannot deliver even ONE class per month.
You know what pisses me off? It's not so much not knowing whether the classes will happen. It's the attitude Pal is having towards this whole thing.
I had decided to close my thoughts thinking about PENJANA. Instead, I just focus on [] (how) to successfully quit Nicorette.
I really feel pissed right now. I am pissed at everything and everybody.
Normally I am not like this.
So Day 12 is the real test.
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I don't really like to be disturbed at this point. I don't feel like talking to anybody.
Just me and this blog are fine.
Given a choice, I don't want to deal with the masses at all. If I have RM1 million right now, I just want to be alone.
I don't want to deal with anybody. Just me and my thoughts.
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OK Sarah, here are my thoughts at this moment. I'll give you all your equitable apportionments. After that, I want to be all by myself.
You all can choose to be with me or you can choose your own paths.
I just want to be just. The truth is I just want to be by myself.
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I don't know long this slump will last. I'm really feeling agitated with everybody right now.
Of all the people, I am so pissed off at myself.
Maybe all this while for the past 40 years, I was suppressing my true feeling. Now it is resurfacing.
What is it that I am suppressing all this while? I just want to be all by myself.
I don't need the business and the money. All I want is to be alone. So minus all the chemical effect, all I ever wanted is to be by myself.
The truth is I don't need anybody else. I just want to be by myself. Without the substance to induce the dopamine, I can see past the smokescreen. I am a loner. Between making money and having to deal with people and having no money and being alone, I choose the latter.
My original plan was right. I only work so that I earn RM3 k a month. That's all that I need.
Why in the fuck I make it so complex?
I don't even deliver a single class yet.
Actually, given my situation, the fewer classes the better.
Sarah, I am not going to push for RM1 million in 10 years.
I just aim for RM100 k to RM250 k.
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Actually, Songkhla 2030 is neither real nor imagined.
Nothing gonna happen until I start delivering the classes.
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Oh man, look at how entangled my thoughts are.
I don't know whether all these are due to my thoughts under the influence of Nicorette or I am naturally complex.
As it is my thoughts will be, nothing is certain. It could be no training whatsoever until the end of this year. Personally, I rather train 2 days a month as I originally planned.
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