12/9/20 ***I focus too much on the trees and miss the forest

While I am feeling like a total loser not able to earn a living, I should count my blessings.

Actually, I am a success as we speak.

I managed to save for my dental for this year.  That is a major achievement.  I managed to save RM1 k in EPF and RM500 in ASB.

The only issue that I have to deal with is my inability to generate income.

 If I take it that I have a mental disability and was retired for the past 10 years, then this is a nonissue.

Why it is resurfacing is because Pal decided to get me involved in his company recently.

Let's put it this way...  Pal is struggling as a company.

I don't have any issue whatsoever when comes to money.  So who is richer?

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All these issues arise because I am resisting my urge for nicotine.

Things are not that bad.  I don't have to dump Els.  I don't need to cut my ties with Pal and I don't have to forgo Songkhla 2030.

All these are signs of depression.  My challenge is to fight depression.  DO NOT MAKE ANY IMPORTANT DECISION IN THE NEXT 3 MONTHS.

A dependency on nicotine can build up quickly when someone smokes regularly, and nicotine may be one of the toughest drugs to stop using without help. Withdrawal symptoms include irritability, increased appetite, anxiety, depression, trouble concentrating and focusing on things, and significant cravings.

What do I learn here?

The most important lesson here is it takes persistence and commitment to quit nicotine because Nico Demon can use my voice of reason to justify why I should continue taking Nicorette.

So far it had used agitation, guilt, depression, rationalization, and voice of reason for me to go back to chewing Nicorette.

Do not give in.  I was hooked for 41 years.  I will continue breaking the bronco.  Nothing that you say will make me chew Nicorette, Nico Demon.

I decided I want to be FREE, HEALTHY, and HAPPY.

This is [] (my) lifetime commitment.  Of all the things in my life, I decided to fight depression head-on.  I will no longer allow the void (low dopamine) to control my life.  That include all forms of addictions and the use of dopamine antagonist to treat bipolar.

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Look here Nico Demon, I don't have any issue with other things in life.  I only have an issue with you.  As long as I am dependent on you for my happiness, you will always hold me hostage.

My objective is very simple.  For the next 3 months, I will not make any major decision except I WILL NOT TAKE ANY NICOTINE INTO MY BODY FOR THE REMAINING OF 2020.  

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