13/9/20 ***Day 15 of nicotine cessation

The past 15 days I had to endure an emotional hijack by Nico Demon.

As long as I don't introduce nicotine inside my body, the voice will get smaller and smaller.  Soon it will be gone.

During the withdrawal period, I had to face my darkest fears and worries.  All my insecurities emerged from the furthest corner [] (of) my suppressed feelings.

Nicotine addiction is a real addiction.  It suppressed my darkest horrors.  So when I quit nicotine, I was like Tom Cruise in the Last Samurai.  He asked for the sake, not because sake's withdrawal was painful physically.  Rather by not having sake, all the bad memories emerged. 

I can attest to that.  The past 14 days I had to deal with my own dark emotions.  The darkest of them all was the feeling that I was not loved by my mother.  That is the root cause of my grief all this while.

That is the unconscious reason why I smoked cigarettes for 40 years.  I was trying to suppress the void.  Now I know what the void is really.  It is the lack of love from my mother.  Because of that, I suffered from Bipolar Disorder.

The way to cure Bipolar is to get rid of the void.  The feeling of being unloved.  This is none other than increasing dopamine in the body.

For one, I got to get rid of addictions like cigarettes, cannabis, and cunts.  I need to rely on natural dopamine.

I need to do dopamine fast.

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