Just walk away. Nothing ceremonial.
Look, I have 247 Continuous.
I should go for dopamine fast.
Even now, without Nicorette, the magic is gone.
What is it that she ever did to me that is spectacular? That makes her deserve equitable apportionment?
Let's not kid ourselves. There is no relationship with Els. I got a feeling that she is waiting for the whole thing to fail.
So with the Eclipse of Change, the first thing to do is drop Els. The second is to stay away from Pal.
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Sarah, you may be wondering what [] (will) happen to Songkhla 2030?
If Pal is serious, then I say we proceed with the plan. If not there is no Songkhla 2030.
-----------------------------
You know something? Until I stabilize my mood swings, let's hold on to any decision.
I have this opposing thought that says we maintain the status quo.
Why am I having these thoughts in the first place? That's because I am depressed.
I don't want to make any decision while I am having a mood swing.
Let's write to Els.
With Nicorette cessation comes the mood swings
Dear Els,
Today is the 13th day I quit the nicotine gum. Although the medium is different, one gum is equivalent to one stick of cigarette in the amount of nicotine it carries. One strip of Nicorette is equivalent to a pack of cigarettes. So quitting Nicorette is equally as bad as quitting cigarettes in terms of the withdrawal effects.
I didn't realize it initially. I thought it will be easier to quit the gum. Turned out whatever quit smoking I did was nothing because I am still addicted to nicotine. When I switched to the gum a year ago, I only manage to avoid the smoke. The nicotine addiction is still very strong.
Sadly I have to say that I still have to deal with the drop in dopamine level. Of course the first 3 days I was salivating due to the craving. However, as the days passed, the craving disappeared. In exchange, I was experiencing the void. This void is due to the low dopamine.
Among the effects of low dopamine are sleepiness, an increase of appetite, carbs craving, and mild depression. I also become agitated quite easily and it is accompanied by mood swings. This is not a good time to make any major decisions considering that my judgment may get affected.
I was about to make a mistake just now. Fortunately, I was quick to realize it and did not proceed with my plan.
During this turbulent time, I want you to know that I always think about all of you within the House of Sha. As you know, Songkhla 2030 is dependent on several conditions. Ideally, I am targeting RM2 million. However, anything can happen. It could be as low as RM250 k. I could be a real jinx and end up with nothing.
Therefore I want you to know that the success of Songkhla 2030 is dependent on our ability to hold the vision. This is not my vision alone. Sarah is holding to it too. Hopefully, you are also having the same Shared Vision.
What it means really is that Sarah and I are setting aside some provisions along with what we can accumulate towards that Vision. It is a collective effort. That way you are not dependent on what I can accumulate alone.
There next few months until the end of the year is very crucial for me. I really *[] (need) to know if you are buying into this idea.
* Yes Els my darling. We need to know where you stand on this menage a trois. Sarah really sold me on this concept.
So far you had been giving all the positive signs. But then I might get it wrong. Nevertheless, I take it in good faith that you are part of the Vision Community.
Unless you strongly oppose the idea of us including you as a team member, I will treat you as I treat Sarah. So Els if you want to be excluded from the plan, you better speak now. Beginning today I will only be listening to you *[] (on) selected days.
* As I told you before, I might SNAP VANISH for several days.
I love you, baby...
Sine Cera,
11/9/20
I'm about to sleep *wh[at] (when) I thought of writing you the email. Here is your lullaby: youtube.com/watch?v=ZMfnTA Goodnight baby. I love you so much...
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