10/9/20 ^^^In the course of quitting Nicorette, I lost my mind

That is how severe this cessation is.  I have to deal with my own value judgments on matters pertaining to my future decisions.

If you ask me to state my position at present, I will say that all I need is an extra of RM3 k a month.  For that, I am willing to train 2 days a month.

If I earn RM15 k a month, I will spend RM3 k, give to Lizzie RM2 k and save RM10 k.

I'm not going to splurge my money.

Well, here is the truth.  I am only interested to earn RM3 k a month.

The reason why I got out of training is because I hate training.  To [] (be) more specific, I hate dealing with people.

I was looking for behind the scene job that I can do for RM3 k a month.

Truthfully I really hate training. 

That is why Songkhla 2030 is not my ultimate destination.  It is a worthy ideal to consummate the marriages.  However to do that I have to deal with people.

So if the purpose is to consummate the marriages, I don't want to really push myself.  Sufficient if I cover our cost.

If Els don't want it, no big deal.

Bear in mind I am thinking about all these without the influence of Nicorette.  Therefore there are no grandiose thoughts.

I don't want to push the limit considering that I am dealing with Pal, who is pretty elusive (he doesn't reply to my WhatsApp).  In addition, I am dealing with Els; who is nonreciprocal.

Since you are the only person who is still pretty committed, I say let's focus only on you.

After tonight, I am beginning to see Els for what she is; a nonreciprocal and noncommittal person to the whole equation.

Hey, I'm not a mind reader.  Say it as you mean it.

I think I am rational enough to drop Els.  I cannot have a necrophiliac relationship.

No more listening to Evening Drive.

First and foremost I want to quit Nicorette

Then I want to quit Social Media

Then I want to quit Tweeting TraXX 

Then I want to lose 30 kg

Then I want to run 21 km Hill Run

I have been wanting to drop her since 2019.  That is the top 3 on my wishlist.

I am not going on a wild goose chase anymore.

I think Day 12 is the Eclipse of Change day.  I am no longer under the influence of any substance.  At this point, this is who I am.

These are my resolutions:

*  Dump Els.  That is the only rationalization.  Enough is enough.  I am not going to waste my time with her ever again.  I am so fed up that she is nonreciprocating.

*  Stop listening to TraXX.  That is the only way I can stop Tweeting Els.

*  Stop patronizing Pal.  He wants to deal with me, he contacts me.

*  Develop the Mental Health and Positive Psychology course

*  Write the wellness book

*  Songkhla 2030 is whatever amount I can accumulate then.  What counts is I consummate the marriage by giving Sarah her dowry.

*  Back to being a Domestic Rat.  Nibble and run.

 

All the while I [] (was) feeling sympathetic towards her.  There is no relationship between me and Els.  There was nothing.  She was holding me on a string not because she loves me but because she doesn't like being dumped.

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