Els darling,
I thought you might like to join my little conversation with Sarah:
This is the Moment of Truth.
It starts with me gaining back control over my life.
Believe it or not, it starts with a goodnight's sleep.
I am dead serious in getting my 2 GUARANTEED Happy Pills; sleep and exercise. I am supposed to get them on a daily basis.
Seriously Sarah, today I am a bit off-balanced. I eat a lot, I sleep a lot, and I am in the state of stupor.
Nicotine withdrawal is still bad although not as bad as quit smoking. *A[s] (At) least now I don't have the urge to smoke pot.
* I think I am over with pot. I only smoke pot when I see BJ. That is once every 3 to 6 months and the amount is so little that I am hardly high at all. I only smoke pot because I want to be with BJ. He knows this. That's why if BJ quits pot, I will be happy to just jungle trekking with him when we meet. Nevertheless, BJ will never quit. Pot has become his philosophy like Bob Marley and his Rastafarian.
There is however a positive effect out of this. Because I refrained from chewing Nicorette, eventually my body produces dopamine NATURALLY. So while writing this, I am listening to Debussy and I can actually feel the neurotransmitter secreting.
In a way, I am high right now; with just water and Debussy. As I am writing, in my mind I am gliding on ice like a figure skater while following the keystrokes of the music. Now, if that is not high I don't know what to call it LOL.
So all is not lost. I don't turn into a simpleton just because I stop chewing Nicorette. Of course, I am a bit stupor initially, but once I get my happy pills, I'm sure I'll get back my prowess.
As for you honey, I'm gonna treat you as I treat Sarah. I'll say my piece whenever I feel like it. Notice, when I talk to Sarah, I am doing Conversational Thinking and when I write to you it is Expressive Writing.
It will be nice if I can do both at the same time although I still keep the two styles separate between the two of you.
I'll write to you as regularly as I write to Sarah although usually, I write more often to Sarah than you.
I'm not sure what is the capacity of your bandwidth. Hahaha... Don't take this literally:
Baby, I wish you are less defensive when I throw in my jokes. At times I think you are too sensitive. For example, how many times did I make you cry? Of course, there were occasions that you cried although you are happy. Awww... You are such a big baby...
That's what I mean. With Sarah, I simply go with the flow. I expect to do the same thing with you.
For one thing, I am peeved at you for not replying to my emails. So being a forward thinker that I am, if this behavior persists; how am I going to be sure that one year from T-0 I can count on you to go along with the logistics?
Now, do you notice that we need to communicate eventually?
I gotta sleep. Nowadays, I make a point to sleep at 12:00 am max.
Love ya hon... And if eternity should fail, til death do us apart.
Sine Cera,
2/9/20
I decided to forward to you my conversation with Sarah in your email. Hey, do you like this song? youtube.com/watch?v=1xE0wA It always makes me smile.
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