Hey, no salivating when I think of Nicorette.
Let's break the bronco.
I can do this. If I can break the addiction to the 3 Cs, definitely I can do this.
The key is to be happy again. To do that I must be certain.
The way to do that [] (is) break the bronco.
No doubt I quit smoking in 2019. However, to be a freeman, I have to quit nicotine. It is more addictive than heroine.
Nasty withdrawal symptoms motivate users to continue using the drug.
I actually don't like the taste of Nicorette. Also, it gives me a headache.
As you know addiction is about managing dopamine. So tonight I want to take the bull by the horn. I want to study dopamine.
-------------------------
I can do away with Nicorette. It is not essential for my survival.
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Wednesday, 2 September 2020
2/9/20 ^^^I am on the 4th day
It gets easier by the day. It's the same routine, do not start. Then no need to worry about stopping.
This is easier than quit smoking. Still, this damn Nicorette is fucking addictive.
It's not a choice really. If I continue, I will keep increasing my consumption. I quit, I feel terrible. I hope for only 2 weeks.
Nevertheless, this is my 56th Birthday Present; which is to quit Nicorette.
Nicorette is less dangerous than cigarettes but it is still addictive. I should quit it NOW!
--------------------------
I keep on telling myself; I can get rid of this addiction. If I can make it for 2 weeks, I can make it for good.
This is a personal victory.
------------------------------
This is easier than quit smoking. Still, this damn Nicorette is fucking addictive.
It's not a choice really. If I continue, I will keep increasing my consumption. I quit, I feel terrible. I hope for only 2 weeks.
Nevertheless, this is my 56th Birthday Present; which is to quit Nicorette.
Nicorette is less dangerous than cigarettes but it is still addictive. I should quit it NOW!
--------------------------
I keep on telling myself; I can get rid of this addiction. If I can make it for 2 weeks, I can make it for good.
This is a personal victory.
------------------------------
2/9/20 ***3 more hours to Els
Come to think of it, Nicorette is really addictive.
Four days and I am still struggling with it. Imagine that...
All I got to do is focus on being normal. No cigarettes, no dope, and no Nicorette. Just like an ordinary person. Like Pal or Lizzie. They don't have a history of substance abuse. I want to be like that. Not even an addiction to coffee and carbs.
With Nicorette, I need to deal with the pleasurable memory. If I can resist this memory, then given a certain time the body still produce a good feeling even with the absence of nicotine.
I had a great experience dealing with nicotine withdrawal. Initially, I will feel like crap. However, if I persist, I will get over the hump. I am talking about 2 weeks of discomfort. If I cave in IT TAKES LONGER the next time around. So DO NOT RELAPSE.
When you see thorns, it's the sign that eventually you will see roses.
------------------------
Four days and I am still struggling with it. Imagine that...
All I got to do is focus on being normal. No cigarettes, no dope, and no Nicorette. Just like an ordinary person. Like Pal or Lizzie. They don't have a history of substance abuse. I want to be like that. Not even an addiction to coffee and carbs.
With Nicorette, I need to deal with the pleasurable memory. If I can resist this memory, then given a certain time the body still produce a good feeling even with the absence of nicotine.
I had a great experience dealing with nicotine withdrawal. Initially, I will feel like crap. However, if I persist, I will get over the hump. I am talking about 2 weeks of discomfort. If I cave in IT TAKES LONGER the next time around. So DO NOT RELAPSE.
When you see thorns, it's the sign that eventually you will see roses.
------------------------
Tuesday, 1 September 2020
2/9/20 ***I ended sleeping until noon
I popped in a few raisins.
This is the 4th day. Time sure seemed a drag. I was contemplating of having some *Nicorette[0]
* Did you do this? If you do, then I appreciate the gesture.
I almost caved in. If I take Nicorette, it is as if I never quit nicotine.
I must persist. I drink Nescafe, I eat lunch, just [t]o (so) that I don't chew Nicorette.
This song is on air:
Today the drilling starts again. This time for the master bathroom.
I cannot wait for Mopey to bring back lunch. I am famished.
Well, not really. I want to take my mind off Nicorette.
--------------------
2/9/20 ###When sleep is off everything is off
I didn't exercise and I also eat breakfast. This is really bad.
My consolation is I stopped Nicorette.
So I better stay stop for all the troubles I am going through to get back to point zero.
All it takes is persistence and patience.
----------------------
I tried my best. Now very very sleepy.
Sleepy and bored.
I need to persist until 15/9/20.
I am at the point of panicking here. That is how bad the Nicorette withdrawal. However, I told myself that things will get better after the 15th.
I need to lie down. Suddenly I feel sleepy...
-------------------------
My consolation is I stopped Nicorette.
So I better stay stop for all the troubles I am going through to get back to point zero.
All it takes is persistence and patience.
----------------------
I tried my best. Now very very sleepy.
Sleepy and bored.
I need to persist until 15/9/20.
I am at the point of panicking here. That is how bad the Nicorette withdrawal. However, I told myself that things will get better after the 15th.
I need to lie down. Suddenly I feel sleepy...
-------------------------
>>>#2/9/20 I cannot sleep
I cannot sleep
Honey,
Not sleepy. So I decided to have a chat with Sarah:
I slept a lot during the day and I am not anxious to sleep right now. The nicotine withdrawal probably had some effects on my sleep pattern these next few days.
I am just going with the flow right now.
Both you and Els had said yes to Songkhla 2030. Basically, the gist of it is I had decided to infaq 60% of my money to my wives. I am *no[w] (not) worried at all about this decision. I had weighed my options carefully.
* As you can see I am doing this out of my free will. I am no longer interested to live life on the hedonic treadmill. So I might as well spend on charity. The best form of charity is the one that begins at home.
What are other possible permutations? Well, I can give Lizzie half. How much money does she need? Already she is a high net worth individual with what she has now. Anything above that will not make much difference in terms of her utility. With the extra cash, she probably has better health care. Lizzie is not the splurging type.
The kids will get their inheritance when I'm gone. Until then, they already have financial stability with their earnings. Instead of me giving to them, it's them giving back to me and Lizzie.
Since we don't borrow, we don't accumulate debt. Maybe we don't think like the millionaires (they leverage on OPM) but our lives are less complex. Not only that, since we don't borrow, we are also cash affluent. Not much but all our basic needs are paid for.
It is a life of modesty and gratitude. Considering that we live below our means, our lives are really a blessing. None of us in the family have money issues.
In my case, I don't work to earn a living. I work because that is my Ikigai. Since it is Ikigai, work is a form of self-expression. If you watch the podcast I made with Pal, since the beginning of my career I was not a person who enjoys hoarding money. I like making money but once I made it, I will only keep half. The other half is *[] (for) a good cause.
* In this case, giving 60% to my wives is a worthy cause. To understand this you need to have an abundance mentality.
Honey,
Not sleepy. So I decided to have a chat with Sarah:
I slept a lot during the day and I am not anxious to sleep right now. The nicotine withdrawal probably had some effects on my sleep pattern these next few days.
I am just going with the flow right now.
Both you and Els had said yes to Songkhla 2030. Basically, the gist of it is I had decided to infaq 60% of my money to my wives. I am *no[w] (not) worried at all about this decision. I had weighed my options carefully.
* As you can see I am doing this out of my free will. I am no longer interested to live life on the hedonic treadmill. So I might as well spend on charity. The best form of charity is the one that begins at home.
What are other possible permutations? Well, I can give Lizzie half. How much money does she need? Already she is a high net worth individual with what she has now. Anything above that will not make much difference in terms of her utility. With the extra cash, she probably has better health care. Lizzie is not the splurging type.
The kids will get their inheritance when I'm gone. Until then, they already have financial stability with their earnings. Instead of me giving to them, it's them giving back to me and Lizzie.
Since we don't borrow, we don't accumulate debt. Maybe we don't think like the millionaires (they leverage on OPM) but our lives are less complex. Not only that, since we don't borrow, we are also cash affluent. Not much but all our basic needs are paid for.
It is a life of modesty and gratitude. Considering that we live below our means, our lives are really a blessing. None of us in the family have money issues.
In my case, I don't work to earn a living. I work because that is my Ikigai. Since it is Ikigai, work is a form of self-expression. If you watch the podcast I made with Pal, since the beginning of my career I was not a person who enjoys hoarding money. I like making money but once I made it, I will only keep half. The other half is *[] (for) a good cause.
* In this case, giving 60% to my wives is a worthy cause. To understand this you need to have an abundance mentality.
I had not really decided whether it is 50% or 60% However a 50% will look like this: 50:18:16:16 while 60% will look like this: 40:20:20:20. So if it is RM1 million the difference is between RM160 k and RM200 k.
My thinking is if it is close to RM2 million, we do the 40:20:20:20 spread. That's because I need a broader base for myself if it is skewed towards RM1 million. Hence as I told you, I expect you to have your provision as well. Just in case the number is leaning towards the lower end.
As mentioned, RM2 million is a plausible figure. Nothing to *shou[ld] (shout) about but at least you'll get your seed from there. This is different from 2017 where we planned to sell the IP.
* Thank you, Sarah. This is my best-case scenario. So as long as we all Ikigai, we will not get sucked into the financial black hole.
When I say you'll get your seed from there, I mean is as capital to leverage on the next venture. As much as possible avoid borrowing.
Just to give you an idea. Princess learned to sew (she actually bought a sewing machine) because her retirement plan is to buy a house on an island and sell tailormade beach clothes.
She decided to invest in a universal skill that will always be on-demand wherever she lives.
If I have RM500 k seed, that is equivalent to RM25 k interest earned a year. I would say that *[] (is) anytime better than *[] (what) I am doing right now. As it is I hardly use cash.
* You see my point baby? I give you the seed and [] (all) you got to do is leverage just a bit. We have several options to explore.
The most important thing is to NOT ACCUMULATE DEBT, Hey remember when we were in college? We were not financially well-off but because we didn't have debt, our life was thriving.
I'm not worried about you and Els. Both of you are very frugal. What is important is to keep on having a continuous income. Otherwise, then be superfrugal and live below your means.
-----------------------
You know Sarah, for the past one year I had managed to detach myself from being dependent on money. The pandemic also acted as a deterrent.
Now, I'm not by any means a miser. All I am saying is I am becoming aware of my expenditures, No more maverick purchases.
Bear in mind, money in the pocket is an asset, money out of the pocket is an expense. Therefore as much as possible, make sure the purchases are justified.
---------------------------
To some people, what I am doing doesn't make much sense. The way I look at i[s] (it) I am extending my commitment as a husband to the two of you. As I said, both of you are my wives for eternity. I might as well put the money where the mouth is.
Both of you don't have any obligation whatsoever to reciprocate my action. I am willingly doing this because as your husband I want to be just.
I don't expect you to understand this desire for me to give. Just like I don't expect you to understand why I infaq 50% of my wealth to help the poor and the needy. I am a Sufi through and through. My number one character strength is love followed by humor, forgiveness, and prudence.
It's 4:15 am. Time to sleep.
Bye now,
1/9/20 ^^^This is the moment of truth
Just managed to go over the bump
Els darling,
I thought you might like to join my little conversation with Sarah:
This is the Moment of Truth.
It starts with me gaining back control over my life.
Believe it or not, it starts with a goodnight's sleep.
I am dead serious in getting my 2 GUARANTEED Happy Pills; sleep and exercise. I am supposed to get them on a daily basis.
Seriously Sarah, today I am a bit off-balanced. I eat a lot, I sleep a lot, and I am in the state of stupor.
Nicotine withdrawal is still bad although not as bad as quit smoking. *A[s] (At) least now I don't have the urge to smoke pot.
* I think I am over with pot. I only smoke pot when I see BJ. That is once every 3 to 6 months and the amount is so little that I am hardly high at all. I only smoke pot because I want to be with BJ. He knows this. That's why if BJ quits pot, I will be happy to just jungle trekking with him when we meet. Nevertheless, BJ will never quit. Pot has become his philosophy like Bob Marley and his Rastafarian.
There is however a positive effect out of this. Because I refrained from chewing Nicorette, eventually my body produces dopamine NATURALLY. So while writing this, I am listening to Debussy and I can actually feel the neurotransmitter secreting.
In a way, I am high right now; with just water and Debussy. As I am writing, in my mind I am gliding on ice like a figure skater while following the keystrokes of the music. Now, if that is not high I don't know what to call it LOL.
So all is not lost. I don't turn into a simpleton just because I stop chewing Nicorette. Of course, I am a bit stupor initially, but once I get my happy pills, I'm sure I'll get back my prowess.
As for you honey, I'm gonna treat you as I treat Sarah. I'll say my piece whenever I feel like it. Notice, when I talk to Sarah, I am doing Conversational Thinking and when I write to you it is Expressive Writing.
It will be nice if I can do both at the same time although I still keep the two styles separate between the two of you.
I'll write to you as regularly as I write to Sarah although usually, I write more often to Sarah than you.
I'm not sure what is the capacity of your bandwidth. Hahaha... Don't take this literally:
Els darling,
I thought you might like to join my little conversation with Sarah:
This is the Moment of Truth.
It starts with me gaining back control over my life.
Believe it or not, it starts with a goodnight's sleep.
I am dead serious in getting my 2 GUARANTEED Happy Pills; sleep and exercise. I am supposed to get them on a daily basis.
Seriously Sarah, today I am a bit off-balanced. I eat a lot, I sleep a lot, and I am in the state of stupor.
Nicotine withdrawal is still bad although not as bad as quit smoking. *A[s] (At) least now I don't have the urge to smoke pot.
* I think I am over with pot. I only smoke pot when I see BJ. That is once every 3 to 6 months and the amount is so little that I am hardly high at all. I only smoke pot because I want to be with BJ. He knows this. That's why if BJ quits pot, I will be happy to just jungle trekking with him when we meet. Nevertheless, BJ will never quit. Pot has become his philosophy like Bob Marley and his Rastafarian.
There is however a positive effect out of this. Because I refrained from chewing Nicorette, eventually my body produces dopamine NATURALLY. So while writing this, I am listening to Debussy and I can actually feel the neurotransmitter secreting.
In a way, I am high right now; with just water and Debussy. As I am writing, in my mind I am gliding on ice like a figure skater while following the keystrokes of the music. Now, if that is not high I don't know what to call it LOL.
So all is not lost. I don't turn into a simpleton just because I stop chewing Nicorette. Of course, I am a bit stupor initially, but once I get my happy pills, I'm sure I'll get back my prowess.
As for you honey, I'm gonna treat you as I treat Sarah. I'll say my piece whenever I feel like it. Notice, when I talk to Sarah, I am doing Conversational Thinking and when I write to you it is Expressive Writing.
It will be nice if I can do both at the same time although I still keep the two styles separate between the two of you.
I'll write to you as regularly as I write to Sarah although usually, I write more often to Sarah than you.
I'm not sure what is the capacity of your bandwidth. Hahaha... Don't take this literally:
Baby, I wish you are less defensive when I throw in my jokes. At times I think you are too sensitive. For example, how many times did I make you cry? Of course, there were occasions that you cried although you are happy. Awww... You are such a big baby...
That's what I mean. With Sarah, I simply go with the flow. I expect to do the same thing with you.
For one thing, I am peeved at you for not replying to my emails. So being a forward thinker that I am, if this behavior persists; how am I going to be sure that one year from T-0 I can count on you to go along with the logistics?
Now, do you notice that we need to communicate eventually?
I gotta sleep. Nowadays, I make a point to sleep at 12:00 am max.
Love ya hon... And if eternity should fail, til death do us apart.
Sine Cera,
2/9/20
I decided to forward to you my conversation with Sarah in your email. Hey, do you like this song? youtube.com/watch?v=1xE0wA It always makes me smile.
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