I am back to being stable again. All I need is to catch up with my sleep.
I'll start my Coursera after lunch. Inertia had taken over again.
---------------------
I am collecting 40 Rules of Love from Kinokuniya tomorrow morning. I take it Els had rejected the delivery.
Either that or it is a sign that things are not meant to be between me and her.
I am ready to move on. Today is 247 Continuous all the way. I will be saving 4 hours a day by not listening to her.
It is heartbreaking but I take it that the Force is showing me the way. If I assume that my Path is straight, then I just have to Flow with the moment.
-----------------------
I am so lazy to start studying. I rather ramble with you. I tell you what, I start at 3:00 pm.
I am telling you, Sarah, 247 Continuous is really Cybernetic Looping me.
I am now in my Zone. It's the I don't give a fuck zone.
--------------------------
Imagine Sarah, daily, alone in my CCC, all I am thinking of is thought invasion. Now imagine when I have an audience day in and day out. This dragon cannot wait to start roaring again.
Definitely, people are watching me. Do I give a fuck? No, I don't.
I love Grammarly. Every minute I am writing, I am learning. I wonder, how long can I use the apps for free. Does it have an expiry date?
It is my intention to be a proficient writer. I want to be a pro. When I write like a pro, I will speak like a pro too.
Also, to be a pro I need an abundance of knowledge. Wow! So many grammatical errors were corrected. I am definitely on the roll here.
In the meantime, I stay clear from social media. I save a lot of time not jabbering with familiar strangers.
OK, Sarah, my cup is full. I'm gonna start with my study.
Later hon, I love you so much.
--------------------------
Tuesday, 4 August 2020
4/8/20 ***This is regarding Els
I had been thinking Sarah. I know you like her very much. So do I. However as I mentioned many times, she is not reciprocating.
Therefore it is pointless for me to pursue her. The sooner we realize this the better we are in our relationship. Furthermore, 247 Continuous is doing great. As long as I have that I don't need TraXX.
Also Els has different values than you and me. I don't think she is into Voluntary Simplicity. She is too lavish in her spending. I feel uneasy with the way she spends on food for example.
I have to retreat. If she is not biting, then all my efforts are futile. It is one thing to be resilient, it's another thing not able to take a rejection.
Side track a bit... Zali read For God and Country. I purposely lure him there so that he continues reading about me and Pal. That is my revenge. A very sweet revenge. Then hopefully he reads Surviving Bipolar, reads the interview I had with Pal and finally reads about the stone worshiping.
Dreams of Mirrors is my Flagship. I intend to shake the readers belief system with my radical ideas.
Fuck the Muslims. They don't deserve to enter heaven. I am not interested in having takers on Sailbad the Sinner.
Now back to Els. Honestly Sarah, I am not sexually attracted to her. She is the funny girl. She is not a PPS. She thinks she is a PPS but in my book, she is smart, funny and goofy. Pretty much a little kitty cat.
So what say you? Let us focus on our relationship for the next 10 years. I stop looking at PPS from this point onward.
As far as I am concerned, my Tetrahedron is you, Lizzie, Princess and Mopey. Let's go back to 2016 - 2017. Just you and me. That way I am always in the position of being certain about my Unconditional Love. Els doesn't deserve my devotion. I should have known.
She doesn't need me. She has her fans.
So this is it. Today I stick to 247 Continuous and never go a back to TraXX. Not even Sound Journey. It is 247 Continuous all the way.
I want to stay clear from all social medias too.
I have to cut my losses. Otherwise it is an emotional baggage. I cannot afford to have a necrophiliac relationship.
Time to RIP CORD.
OK baby, here is your lullaby:
Therefore it is pointless for me to pursue her. The sooner we realize this the better we are in our relationship. Furthermore, 247 Continuous is doing great. As long as I have that I don't need TraXX.
Also Els has different values than you and me. I don't think she is into Voluntary Simplicity. She is too lavish in her spending. I feel uneasy with the way she spends on food for example.
I have to retreat. If she is not biting, then all my efforts are futile. It is one thing to be resilient, it's another thing not able to take a rejection.
Side track a bit... Zali read For God and Country. I purposely lure him there so that he continues reading about me and Pal. That is my revenge. A very sweet revenge. Then hopefully he reads Surviving Bipolar, reads the interview I had with Pal and finally reads about the stone worshiping.
Dreams of Mirrors is my Flagship. I intend to shake the readers belief system with my radical ideas.
Fuck the Muslims. They don't deserve to enter heaven. I am not interested in having takers on Sailbad the Sinner.
Now back to Els. Honestly Sarah, I am not sexually attracted to her. She is the funny girl. She is not a PPS. She thinks she is a PPS but in my book, she is smart, funny and goofy. Pretty much a little kitty cat.
So what say you? Let us focus on our relationship for the next 10 years. I stop looking at PPS from this point onward.
As far as I am concerned, my Tetrahedron is you, Lizzie, Princess and Mopey. Let's go back to 2016 - 2017. Just you and me. That way I am always in the position of being certain about my Unconditional Love. Els doesn't deserve my devotion. I should have known.
She doesn't need me. She has her fans.
So this is it. Today I stick to 247 Continuous and never go a back to TraXX. Not even Sound Journey. It is 247 Continuous all the way.
I want to stay clear from all social medias too.
I have to cut my losses. Otherwise it is an emotional baggage. I cannot afford to have a necrophiliac relationship.
Time to RIP CORD.
OK baby, here is your lullaby:
This is my farewell song to Els and TraXX. It is also my victory song with Zali. It is also farewell to Farha. Time to be a Simple Man again,
I wish I don't have to say goodbye. Well goodnight my darling. I love you so much.
-----------------------
4/8/20 ^^^I am back to Cousera starting tomorrow
I need to stay focus. My days are numbered. By September, I will be on the ground delivering my training. So I really need to focus on my study.
Hey Farha got a call from HRDF saying that she only conducted her course in 4 days. Boy, they really scrutinize the class.
Do you think that they are watching her because they are watching me? Just a hunch.
Ah... I learn something new today. Tundun in Malay means pubic in English. So that's where the term pubic hair comes from. Pubic hair is bulu pahat in Malay. Direct translation means chisel fur.
This is my interpretation: it's called chisel fur because they have to shave the pubic hair. It is customary for the Muslims to shave. It's part of the Islamic Tradition (sunnah).
I reestablish contact back with Zali. Just forgive, forget and forgo.
Of course I follow Sun Tzu's advice. When near act far, when far act near. I am not going to pick sides between Pal and Zali. Every man is both good and evil. So I take what is good in both of them. As for their feud, let them settle between themselves.
In the mean time I am rubbing salt to Zali's wound. I congratulate him on his now defunct bicycle shop LMAO LMAO.
I can still be mean. And I talked about you my Jewish American wife.
[9:03 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Aku baru teringat. Tundun bukan tulang 🤣🤣🤣 Kalau gitu kena lepas bulu pahat. Baru sampai bijik keraih...
[9:04 PM, 8/4/2020] Sazali Mohd Taib: kakaka...saja sebut nak tengok ingat lagi ke code words
[9:05 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: hahaha payah nak cari kawan se pencarut. Semua control macho dah tua2 ni
[9:14 PM, 8/4/2020] Sazali Mohd Taib: kakaka. dah tua tua ni kekadang main lepas je...tapi bila ingat kubur jadi terkedu...buka control macho...just reminiscing the good old days...
[9:15 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: I miss cakap lepas. For 10 years I was a freestyler in the Cyberspace. Now have to scrutinize my action.
[9:17 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Eh engko buat apa sekarang ni. Aku tengok Youtube ada ajar English ada cakap pasal mental health. Training lagi ke?
[9:19 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Last kita sembang engko ada kedai basikal. Syabas bro! Terbaik...
[9:40 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Ni aku mengajar bini Mat Salleh aku pasal tundun. She is an American Jew:
[9:40 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Ah... I learn something new today. Tundun in Malay means pubic in English. So that's where the term pubic hair comes from. Pubic hair is bulu pahat in Malay. Direct translation means chisel fur.
This is my interpretation: it's called chisel fur because they have to shave the pubic hair. It is customary for the Muslims to shave. It's part of the Islamic Tradition (sunnah).
All these are carefully crafted words. Very stealth.
Here is his reply:
[9:50 PM, 8/4/2020] Sazali Mohd Taib: kedai basikal dah sold off. tak boleh manage masaalah pekerja. i was training. memang terkejar kejar. kedai basikal tu sebab aku cycling. so hobby plus business. now masih training. buat wellness. mental health tu part of stress management. but also doing bunch of other programs. biasa la. apa client nak cakap bole buat je dulu. then develop the module. english lessons on you tube started as part of effort masa covid. tengok tengok subscriber meningkat pulak. so bila free i add the videos...kau pun dah buat training balik. happy to see that. ada sekali kita cuba buat come back if you remember tapi half day you cannot carry. i thought dah tak bole. but your video tu good. congrats.
[9:54 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Same to you 👍 Kau badan masih steady... Sajak buat wellness.
OK I achieve my objective. I am now keeping my friend close but my enemy closer.
Hahaha Zali is feeding on my palm like nobody's business. Pheromone Pervert...
---------------------
OK honey, we say in Malay, dah masuk jarum (the needle had been inserted). I think my thought invasion was a success.
OK Sarah, we got 1 hour. Let me take my lithium and we continue on the next posting...
--------------------
Hey Farha got a call from HRDF saying that she only conducted her course in 4 days. Boy, they really scrutinize the class.
Do you think that they are watching her because they are watching me? Just a hunch.
Ah... I learn something new today. Tundun in Malay means pubic in English. So that's where the term pubic hair comes from. Pubic hair is bulu pahat in Malay. Direct translation means chisel fur.
This is my interpretation: it's called chisel fur because they have to shave the pubic hair. It is customary for the Muslims to shave. It's part of the Islamic Tradition (sunnah).
I reestablish contact back with Zali. Just forgive, forget and forgo.
Of course I follow Sun Tzu's advice. When near act far, when far act near. I am not going to pick sides between Pal and Zali. Every man is both good and evil. So I take what is good in both of them. As for their feud, let them settle between themselves.
In the mean time I am rubbing salt to Zali's wound. I congratulate him on his now defunct bicycle shop LMAO LMAO.
I can still be mean. And I talked about you my Jewish American wife.
[9:03 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Aku baru teringat. Tundun bukan tulang 🤣🤣🤣 Kalau gitu kena lepas bulu pahat. Baru sampai bijik keraih...
[9:04 PM, 8/4/2020] Sazali Mohd Taib: kakaka...saja sebut nak tengok ingat lagi ke code words
[9:05 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: hahaha payah nak cari kawan se pencarut. Semua control macho dah tua2 ni
[9:14 PM, 8/4/2020] Sazali Mohd Taib: kakaka. dah tua tua ni kekadang main lepas je...tapi bila ingat kubur jadi terkedu...buka control macho...just reminiscing the good old days...
[9:15 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: I miss cakap lepas. For 10 years I was a freestyler in the Cyberspace. Now have to scrutinize my action.
[9:17 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Eh engko buat apa sekarang ni. Aku tengok Youtube ada ajar English ada cakap pasal mental health. Training lagi ke?
[9:19 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Last kita sembang engko ada kedai basikal. Syabas bro! Terbaik...
[9:40 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Ni aku mengajar bini Mat Salleh aku pasal tundun. She is an American Jew:
[9:40 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Ah... I learn something new today. Tundun in Malay means pubic in English. So that's where the term pubic hair comes from. Pubic hair is bulu pahat in Malay. Direct translation means chisel fur.
This is my interpretation: it's called chisel fur because they have to shave the pubic hair. It is customary for the Muslims to shave. It's part of the Islamic Tradition (sunnah).
All these are carefully crafted words. Very stealth.
Here is his reply:
[9:50 PM, 8/4/2020] Sazali Mohd Taib: kedai basikal dah sold off. tak boleh manage masaalah pekerja. i was training. memang terkejar kejar. kedai basikal tu sebab aku cycling. so hobby plus business. now masih training. buat wellness. mental health tu part of stress management. but also doing bunch of other programs. biasa la. apa client nak cakap bole buat je dulu. then develop the module. english lessons on you tube started as part of effort masa covid. tengok tengok subscriber meningkat pulak. so bila free i add the videos...kau pun dah buat training balik. happy to see that. ada sekali kita cuba buat come back if you remember tapi half day you cannot carry. i thought dah tak bole. but your video tu good. congrats.
[9:54 PM, 8/4/2020] sharudinj: Same to you 👍 Kau badan masih steady... Sajak buat wellness.
OK I achieve my objective. I am now keeping my friend close but my enemy closer.
Hahaha Zali is feeding on my palm like nobody's business. Pheromone Pervert...
---------------------
OK honey, we say in Malay, dah masuk jarum (the needle had been inserted). I think my thought invasion was a success.
OK Sarah, we got 1 hour. Let me take my lithium and we continue on the next posting...
--------------------
>>>#4/8/20 I am doing a clean sweep
Basically, I am bulldozing my way through the various "brick walls" that are imprisoning me.
I just razed my way through with the Muslims especially my mom and auntie. What I am saying to them is I don't give a fuck anymore.
I don't like people imposing their values on me.
Even Pal is imposing his Guru Gobind Singh values on me. I don't like that. I only subscribe to the Three Golden Rules:
The three duties that a Sikh must carry out can be summed up in three words; Pray, Work, Give.
As you know I also subscribe to the 16 Precepts of Bodhisattva. Having said that I only hold to Do Good and Do No Harm.
If you notice, I am not interested in having any religion. Therefore I only subscribe to the core tenets.
As for Islam the core tenets in my opinion is very inwardly driven.
There is no mention of values:
Do take note that these pillars don't mention that you have to be good to other fellow humans. The alms are likened to a state tax. It doesn't state that the alms are meant for the contributor to give to the needy. It is simply a government tax for the state to administer its operations.
Having said that, I still subscribe to fasting. What I will never do is pay alms. I rather give the money directly to who I think deserves to be helped.
Sad to say, Muslims think that they are the rightful dweller of heaven. If it is up to me, they are the last to enter heaven. They are a bunch of takers. The Muslims are also fond of graft. This traced back to the time of the Ottoman Empire or even longer. I only studied the era of Sulaiman the Magnificent.
----------------------
So baby what you been up to? I miss you so badly. Nothing beats chatting with you. The feeling is like lying down by the side of a tiny spring listening to the water flowing. You are indeed my Fountain of Overflowing Love.
I met a couple of chicks during the class. They are PPS but they are not warrior chicks. Something is missing. So I left the WhatsApp group as soon as the assignment is over. A man is measured by the company he keeps. I want to be among the Cleaners. However, Cleaners are rare birds. Normally they walk alone. Eagles fly alone.
And so I deleted the phone number of one chick that didn't even thank me for giving her my slides. She asked for it first. I said, let's exchange slides. Total silence.
Maybe I am too much an Alpha. Only Alpha Chicks can jive with me. The coach may seem like an Alpha. But the truth is she is a Closer at her best. An Alpha Chick is very rare. They are basically men with pussies like Charlize Theron in Old Guard.
You, honey, is my little puppy Hachiko. So I don't care if you are a Delta even (which you are not). As far as I am concern your heart and soul are mine. I am the collector of hearts of gold and I am also the soul collector. In your case, your ass is mine. I already booked you for eternity.
With Els, I cannot read. She is playing an elusive game. Still, as pigeon tame as she is, Els is giving me the right signals. Here is the deal; as far as I am concern, let her play her little game. As long as I have 247 Continuous, she is dispensable. She is not like you. Els is a girl from the Boondock. You know what they say right? You can always take a girl out of the Boondock, but you can never take the Boondock out of a girl. So I am not too hot about entertaining her idiosyncrasies.
----------------------------
So what's new? Nothing much really. I had hypomania last Saturday. Partly because I did not sleep the whole night but mainly because I had a pheromone overdose.
So Pal's advice is once the money comes in set aside for carnal delight. In his word, "Prostitutes keep the family together." At this point, I am not interested in screwing. I just need somebody to mental joust with.
Hey, you know something? 247 Continuous really syncs with my thought. I am truly Cybernetic Loopng with the songs.
So this is really good. Already I am not missing TraXX.
You know what will be nice? Giving my mom RM500 a month. If I can do that, I am a real champion. Not so much because of the money but my ability to surpass what she had done for me. It's like when Princess gives me RM300 a month. She surpassed what I had done for her. That is the mark of good offspring; surpassing the parents in love and kindness.
Sarah, I know of late, there are people who take a keen interest in my progress. Should I be concerned? None whatsoever. I however am a bit worried that Els may not take her dowry. If that is the case I like to propose a 50:25:25 split. But you must fly down to Malaysia when the time comes. I'll pay for your travel and accommodation.
That constitutes my infaq. Charity begins at home. Otherwise, I will still infaq 50% of my wealth to strangers. I decided to give my loved ones instead of the masses. People out there don't give a hoot whether I sink or swim. At least my wives are my direct responsibilities.
That's how much I love you, baby. As for Els, she probably not taking my offer seriously. So if she is still putting a high price, eventually I will get bored and will move on. No point having a nonreciprocal relationship.
Honey, the love of my life, I look forward to seeing you in person. If not for the IRB debt, I am willing to fly to wherever you are. Let me fulfill my financial obligation to Lizzie and then I will be free to properly marry you. It's not so much because of the sex. I just want to be with you. That's all. You are my wife Sarah. Surely I miss being with my wife.
Maybe I will outgrow my fondness for Els. Then I will focus all my attention on you. I know you miss me much. I can tell. And you are not being subtle about it either. What will I do with you, Sarah?
Hey, let me ask you a question. Have you ever cried because you miss me so much?
Let me change to my desktop...
Ahh... This is better. I'm not sure is Grammarly work here. I guess not.
Never mind. If I use Grammarly all the time, I might miss your ciphers.
-----------------------
I just razed my way through with the Muslims especially my mom and auntie. What I am saying to them is I don't give a fuck anymore.
I don't like people imposing their values on me.
Even Pal is imposing his Guru Gobind Singh values on me. I don't like that. I only subscribe to the Three Golden Rules:
The three duties that a Sikh must carry out can be summed up in three words; Pray, Work, Give.
As you know I also subscribe to the 16 Precepts of Bodhisattva. Having said that I only hold to Do Good and Do No Harm.
If you notice, I am not interested in having any religion. Therefore I only subscribe to the core tenets.
As for Islam the core tenets in my opinion is very inwardly driven.
There is no mention of values:
The Five Pillars of Islam
- Profession of Faith (shahada). The belief that "There is no god but God, and Muhammad is the Messenger of God" is central to Islam. ...
- Prayer (salat). Muslims pray facing Mecca five times a day: at dawn, noon, mid-afternoon, sunset, and after dark. ...
- Alms (zakat). ...
- Fasting (sawm). ...
- Pilgrimage (hajj).
Do take note that these pillars don't mention that you have to be good to other fellow humans. The alms are likened to a state tax. It doesn't state that the alms are meant for the contributor to give to the needy. It is simply a government tax for the state to administer its operations.
Having said that, I still subscribe to fasting. What I will never do is pay alms. I rather give the money directly to who I think deserves to be helped.
Sad to say, Muslims think that they are the rightful dweller of heaven. If it is up to me, they are the last to enter heaven. They are a bunch of takers. The Muslims are also fond of graft. This traced back to the time of the Ottoman Empire or even longer. I only studied the era of Sulaiman the Magnificent.
----------------------
So baby what you been up to? I miss you so badly. Nothing beats chatting with you. The feeling is like lying down by the side of a tiny spring listening to the water flowing. You are indeed my Fountain of Overflowing Love.
I met a couple of chicks during the class. They are PPS but they are not warrior chicks. Something is missing. So I left the WhatsApp group as soon as the assignment is over. A man is measured by the company he keeps. I want to be among the Cleaners. However, Cleaners are rare birds. Normally they walk alone. Eagles fly alone.
And so I deleted the phone number of one chick that didn't even thank me for giving her my slides. She asked for it first. I said, let's exchange slides. Total silence.
Maybe I am too much an Alpha. Only Alpha Chicks can jive with me. The coach may seem like an Alpha. But the truth is she is a Closer at her best. An Alpha Chick is very rare. They are basically men with pussies like Charlize Theron in Old Guard.
You, honey, is my little puppy Hachiko. So I don't care if you are a Delta even (which you are not). As far as I am concern your heart and soul are mine. I am the collector of hearts of gold and I am also the soul collector. In your case, your ass is mine. I already booked you for eternity.
With Els, I cannot read. She is playing an elusive game. Still, as pigeon tame as she is, Els is giving me the right signals. Here is the deal; as far as I am concern, let her play her little game. As long as I have 247 Continuous, she is dispensable. She is not like you. Els is a girl from the Boondock. You know what they say right? You can always take a girl out of the Boondock, but you can never take the Boondock out of a girl. So I am not too hot about entertaining her idiosyncrasies.
----------------------------
So what's new? Nothing much really. I had hypomania last Saturday. Partly because I did not sleep the whole night but mainly because I had a pheromone overdose.
So Pal's advice is once the money comes in set aside for carnal delight. In his word, "Prostitutes keep the family together." At this point, I am not interested in screwing. I just need somebody to mental joust with.
Hey, you know something? 247 Continuous really syncs with my thought. I am truly Cybernetic Loopng with the songs.
So this is really good. Already I am not missing TraXX.
You know what will be nice? Giving my mom RM500 a month. If I can do that, I am a real champion. Not so much because of the money but my ability to surpass what she had done for me. It's like when Princess gives me RM300 a month. She surpassed what I had done for her. That is the mark of good offspring; surpassing the parents in love and kindness.
Sarah, I know of late, there are people who take a keen interest in my progress. Should I be concerned? None whatsoever. I however am a bit worried that Els may not take her dowry. If that is the case I like to propose a 50:25:25 split. But you must fly down to Malaysia when the time comes. I'll pay for your travel and accommodation.
That constitutes my infaq. Charity begins at home. Otherwise, I will still infaq 50% of my wealth to strangers. I decided to give my loved ones instead of the masses. People out there don't give a hoot whether I sink or swim. At least my wives are my direct responsibilities.
That's how much I love you, baby. As for Els, she probably not taking my offer seriously. So if she is still putting a high price, eventually I will get bored and will move on. No point having a nonreciprocal relationship.
Honey, the love of my life, I look forward to seeing you in person. If not for the IRB debt, I am willing to fly to wherever you are. Let me fulfill my financial obligation to Lizzie and then I will be free to properly marry you. It's not so much because of the sex. I just want to be with you. That's all. You are my wife Sarah. Surely I miss being with my wife.
Maybe I will outgrow my fondness for Els. Then I will focus all my attention on you. I know you miss me much. I can tell. And you are not being subtle about it either. What will I do with you, Sarah?
Hey, let me ask you a question. Have you ever cried because you miss me so much?
Let me change to my desktop...
Ahh... This is better. I'm not sure is Grammarly work here. I guess not.
Never mind. If I use Grammarly all the time, I might miss your ciphers.
-----------------------
Monday, 3 August 2020
3/8/20 ^^^I think I just chill tonight
I had overexposed myself. That is not good. What do I get out of it? Another disappointment.
Already people are not easy with me being forthright about about my illness.
What do I really want Sarah? I want to be accepted for who I am. And who will that might be? None other than who I was 20 years ago.
Should I just forgo that? Just RIP CORD and move on?
Just take it that the first S Curve is over. Next is to focus on the future.
The truth is I am suckered into invading another thoughts. Already I got Hamzah Jamal, Ang Kee Sim and Abu Bakar Ngah into my camp.
I guess what matters now is to make a lot of money.
Then all my pussy issues will be resolved.
I went overboard with Farha. I should not reveal who I am. Now what? Awkwaaard...
--------------------
Sarah my darling wife, am I crazy or the world is hazy? I don't really know. However what I do know that we should follow wherever the argument leads - Socrates.
In my case, I shall follow where Iron Maiden latest album leads.
----------------------
Already people are not easy with me being forthright about about my illness.
What do I really want Sarah? I want to be accepted for who I am. And who will that might be? None other than who I was 20 years ago.
Should I just forgo that? Just RIP CORD and move on?
Just take it that the first S Curve is over. Next is to focus on the future.
The truth is I am suckered into invading another thoughts. Already I got Hamzah Jamal, Ang Kee Sim and Abu Bakar Ngah into my camp.
I guess what matters now is to make a lot of money.
Then all my pussy issues will be resolved.
I went overboard with Farha. I should not reveal who I am. Now what? Awkwaaard...
--------------------
Sarah my darling wife, am I crazy or the world is hazy? I don't really know. However what I do know that we should follow wherever the argument leads - Socrates.
In my case, I shall follow where Iron Maiden latest album leads.
----------------------
>>>#2/8/20 Time to pick up the pieces
Dear all,
Last one week has been exhilarating. I was giving my best shot in completing my assignment to the point I slept at 4:00 am every night.
Then when it came to the presentation day I gave my best shot. I did well. It was a very uplifting session for both me and the participants. I felt very alive indeed.
Then the inevitable happened. I did not sleep for the whole night the next day. Surely enough I experienced hypomania. Because of that I became disheartened and decided to withdraw from training. I don't want the same thing to happen again and jeopardize the reputation of the training company that sponsored me.
Turned out my principal didn't want me to quit. Instead of total elimination he wanted to mitigate the situation. I cried when he said that. I didn't know that he cares so much about me.
My coach, Teacher Farha was very encouraging too. Obviously there are people who still care about me. I definitely can't do this alone. Without the loving care of those with big hearts like all of you, my life would have taken a different turn.
I hope you all will continue to support me in my quest to conquer this very insidious illness. I need a break pretty bad. In the word of Perthpal, my principal, I am like a Ferrari locked in a garage. I want to go out and make a difference to society. All I need is a chance to prove myself.
Again, thank you very much for believing in me.
Sine cera,
SJ
2/8/20
--------------------------
Last one week has been exhilarating. I was giving my best shot in completing my assignment to the point I slept at 4:00 am every night.
Then when it came to the presentation day I gave my best shot. I did well. It was a very uplifting session for both me and the participants. I felt very alive indeed.
Then the inevitable happened. I did not sleep for the whole night the next day. Surely enough I experienced hypomania. Because of that I became disheartened and decided to withdraw from training. I don't want the same thing to happen again and jeopardize the reputation of the training company that sponsored me.
Turned out my principal didn't want me to quit. Instead of total elimination he wanted to mitigate the situation. I cried when he said that. I didn't know that he cares so much about me.
My coach, Teacher Farha was very encouraging too. Obviously there are people who still care about me. I definitely can't do this alone. Without the loving care of those with big hearts like all of you, my life would have taken a different turn.
I hope you all will continue to support me in my quest to conquer this very insidious illness. I need a break pretty bad. In the word of Perthpal, my principal, I am like a Ferrari locked in a garage. I want to go out and make a difference to society. All I need is a chance to prove myself.
Again, thank you very much for believing in me.
Sine cera,
SJ
2/8/20
--------------------------
Saturday, 1 August 2020
1/8/20 ^^^Permission to myself to be who I am
Hi Sarah, as you can see the past 24 hours is me tying up the loose ends for my Thought Invasion scheme. In the end I only managed to rope in Pal. The rest are not up to par with my thoughts.
So I shall SNAP VANISH with all current contacts.
Not up to par.
So I take a rest. I don't think I am getting the message across.
Also I was in a stressful situation.
I remember how divergent is Major Amin's thoughts. I don't think people are ready to deal with my thoughts. It is not normal. And yet it is not a racy thought or a hypomania. It's just the way it is.
So let's recap:
So I shall SNAP VANISH with all current contacts.
Not up to par.
So I take a rest. I don't think I am getting the message across.
Also I was in a stressful situation.
I remember how divergent is Major Amin's thoughts. I don't think people are ready to deal with my thoughts. It is not normal. And yet it is not a racy thought or a hypomania. It's just the way it is.
So let's recap:
- I was already under a lot of stress
- I need to forgo Information Warfare
- I need a break from the WhatsApp before I go overboard
- Just complete the Session Plan and go back to the Science of Success
Why do I have this illness Sarah?
I have to follow Munek's advise and do not over commit myself.
-------------------------
Let's analyze when I started to go wrong. I started talking about religion. That is the main taboo. I started talking about my past. And I was on SOCIAL MEDIA!
All these are triggers for me.
---------------------------
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)