The more I resist my urge to chew Nicorette and to contact Els, the more liberating I feel about myself.
Both Nicorette and Els are fleeting happiness. They are the happiness that is influenced by dopamine surge. This is so true in the case of Nicorette. As it is nicotine is nothing. However when we associate nicotine with a happy event (like being with Els), then the happy event becomes the trigger and the Nicorette becomes the anchor.
I have to break this correlation if I am to live life addiction free. Certainly, Els and Nicorette are both dopamine addictions.
To a certain extend, my relationship with Sarah is also a dopamine surge. However, the amplitude is not as high as when I communicate with Els.
I have to learn to control my dopamine surge. Otherwise, I will end up as a dopamine addict.
I realized I can control the surge through diet and exercise. I don't need an external stimulus to make me feel good.
The idea here is to create a higher value on intrinsic motivation and not depending so much on extrinsic motivation.
For example, my intrinsic motivation is to be thin and fast while my extrinsic motivation is to make RM1 million. Rightfully I should focus on being thin and fast while I have the clarity of purpose to train 10 days a month. I can even train for 20 days a month when I am aligned with my intrinsic motivation.
If I can do that then I am a true winner. I don't need to rely on extrinsic motivation at all to be happy.
-----------------------
Now that I am not on Nicorette, I can see things as it is. My perception is not clouded by the neurochemicals. I can think very clearly. In other words, I see my life's situation as if I am a bystander looking in rather than a participant looking out.
I have to say this, ELS IS NONRECIPROCAL AND NONCOMMITAL.
That's my thoughts when I am not on Nicorette.
Is that the right thought? As I ride the bronco, I realized that I am breaking it. This is a wild bronco. The more I hang on to it the more clearer my thoughts without the dopamine surge.
In the case of the Nicorette, I began to see it as it is. Initially, it makes me feel better, but after a while, my body builds tolerance until I depend on it just to get back to point zero.
It takes 2 weeks to break a habit albeit Nicorette, Els, or even carbs craving. I will endure until Mopey's birthday.
Every year Lizzie's birthday is for me to aim, my birthday is to align and Mopey's birthday is to shoot.
I think I SNAP VANISH for good.
------------------------
Monday, 31 August 2020
31/8/20 ^^^Let's see if it is worthwhile to go for Gold
The big question here is can I do without Els?
If I can [] (then) I just SNAP VANISH.
The whole feeling of attachment could be due to the effect of Nicorette. Now is to test what is it like without me chewing Nicorette.
Today I SNAP VANISH. Without Nicorette, I am not in the mood at all to contact her.
Let's assess the situation today.
This whole week is to test my resilience towards Els. If I can do without her the entire week, then I know all this while it is due to the Nicorette. Take away the Nicorette, take away Els. Like that...
I put the Nicorette strip in front of me. I want to find out if I have the urge to chew Nicorette when I hear Els's voice. If not then there is no correlation between Nicorette and Els.
Yes, there is a correlation. I am salivating. That means, if I can resist Nicorette, I can resist Els.
Both are nothing more than mental conditioning.
The urge is not that strong. Today is Aush's playlist. She probably handles Wednesday and Friday sessions.
----------------------------
Instead of going with the flow, let's use this next 4 hours to RESIST Nicorette and Els. Let's break the addiction. I will come out stronger every time I can overcome Els. If I can overcome Els, I can overcome Nicorette and vice versa. It's like breaking a bronco.
Fair enough?
OK, the salivating had lessened. I am using Els as a slingshot for me to quit Nicorette.
To be fair, on Friday, I will respond back to her. Until then, I become the mute guard dog. This is the test of my own resilience. If I have the discipline to resist Els, then I have the discipline to resist Nicorette. For goodness sake, I need to SNAP VANISH.
----------------------------
This is more than just breaking a bad habit. This is about taking control of things that are controlling my life. If I can take control of my correspondence with Els, automatically I can control my desire to chew Nicorette.
I believe if I can have self-control, I can lead a more fulfilling life. Now I cannot control those things that matter in my life:
If I can [] (then) I just SNAP VANISH.
The whole feeling of attachment could be due to the effect of Nicorette. Now is to test what is it like without me chewing Nicorette.
Today I SNAP VANISH. Without Nicorette, I am not in the mood at all to contact her.
Let's assess the situation today.
This whole week is to test my resilience towards Els. If I can do without her the entire week, then I know all this while it is due to the Nicorette. Take away the Nicorette, take away Els. Like that...
I put the Nicorette strip in front of me. I want to find out if I have the urge to chew Nicorette when I hear Els's voice. If not then there is no correlation between Nicorette and Els.
Yes, there is a correlation. I am salivating. That means, if I can resist Nicorette, I can resist Els.
Both are nothing more than mental conditioning.
The urge is not that strong. Today is Aush's playlist. She probably handles Wednesday and Friday sessions.
----------------------------
Instead of going with the flow, let's use this next 4 hours to RESIST Nicorette and Els. Let's break the addiction. I will come out stronger every time I can overcome Els. If I can overcome Els, I can overcome Nicorette and vice versa. It's like breaking a bronco.
Fair enough?
OK, the salivating had lessened. I am using Els as a slingshot for me to quit Nicorette.
To be fair, on Friday, I will respond back to her. Until then, I become the mute guard dog. This is the test of my own resilience. If I have the discipline to resist Els, then I have the discipline to resist Nicorette. For goodness sake, I need to SNAP VANISH.
----------------------------
This is more than just breaking a bad habit. This is about taking control of things that are controlling my life. If I can take control of my correspondence with Els, automatically I can control my desire to chew Nicorette.
I believe if I can have self-control, I can lead a more fulfilling life. Now I cannot control those things that matter in my life:
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Food
- Nicorette
- Els
If I can develop the discipline to manage these variables, I then can achieve my ultimate goal to be thin and fast.
Take it that this is the first day I am breaking the bronco. In other words, take it that this is the first day I decided to be a person with discipline and self-control.
------------------------------
31/8/20 ^^^Time to N-SEEM SNAP VANISH
I better do it. Do nothing *th[is] (that) is of no use.
* This is very much like I am laying low with Azzue. It's the M in the N-SEEM. I got to minimize external communication.
I came to the realization that pursuing Els is a wasted effort. I have to stay on course.
It is N-SEEM. That is the formula for me to be successful until the end of this year.
I decided to drop Els. I better ignore her and move on with my other goals. Certainly, I need to keep my world microscopic.
Without Nicorette, I can see clearly ahead. I was influenced by a dopamine surge. With the withdrawal of Nicorette, I am more stable emotionally. Nicorette affects my judgment.
So rather than focus my effort on Gold, I better focus on Silver. If so happen I get Gold, then it is a bonus. However, since my effort is on Silver, I manage to reduce my external communication. That is more important than to win Gold.
By focusing on Silver, I am talking about moving with certainty. In this case, Gold is wishful thinking. I play Silver. That way I can channel my energy on perfecting the other aspects of my life.
Without Nicorette, I can see much more clearly where I'm heading. Let's put it this way, winning a Silver means I can pace myself because I am certain to win Silver. Winning Gold is like winning the lottery. From Silver, it is still acceptable to slide up to Gold or to slide down to Bronze.
However from Gold then sliding to Bronze is going 2 notches down.
Let's forget Els for a while. We had registered our intention with her. Now is to work on our plan. That I can do without her.
---------------------------
I have the golden opportunity here. On my birthday, I can give her all or nothing. What do you think Sarah? Should I give her my all or should I concede? I don't want to play games anymore.
I'm tired of a one-sided relationship. Certainly the substances I took influenced my judgment towards her.
Anyway, let's not be hasty. It could be due to nicotine withdrawal.
Let's see what is her message this evening. We agreed to SNAP VANISH until the 4th of September. If the whole week (Monday and Wednesday) there is nothing much, then I move on.
I will revisit her in some distant future. I do feel that at present, she is not value-adding on the relationship.
---------------------------------
The further away I am from Nicorette the firmer my decision to play Silver.
Let's play by the ear today...
---------------------------------
* This is very much like I am laying low with Azzue. It's the M in the N-SEEM. I got to minimize external communication.
I came to the realization that pursuing Els is a wasted effort. I have to stay on course.
It is N-SEEM. That is the formula for me to be successful until the end of this year.
I decided to drop Els. I better ignore her and move on with my other goals. Certainly, I need to keep my world microscopic.
Without Nicorette, I can see clearly ahead. I was influenced by a dopamine surge. With the withdrawal of Nicorette, I am more stable emotionally. Nicorette affects my judgment.
So rather than focus my effort on Gold, I better focus on Silver. If so happen I get Gold, then it is a bonus. However, since my effort is on Silver, I manage to reduce my external communication. That is more important than to win Gold.
By focusing on Silver, I am talking about moving with certainty. In this case, Gold is wishful thinking. I play Silver. That way I can channel my energy on perfecting the other aspects of my life.
Without Nicorette, I can see much more clearly where I'm heading. Let's put it this way, winning a Silver means I can pace myself because I am certain to win Silver. Winning Gold is like winning the lottery. From Silver, it is still acceptable to slide up to Gold or to slide down to Bronze.
However from Gold then sliding to Bronze is going 2 notches down.
Let's forget Els for a while. We had registered our intention with her. Now is to work on our plan. That I can do without her.
---------------------------
I have the golden opportunity here. On my birthday, I can give her all or nothing. What do you think Sarah? Should I give her my all or should I concede? I don't want to play games anymore.
I'm tired of a one-sided relationship. Certainly the substances I took influenced my judgment towards her.
Anyway, let's not be hasty. It could be due to nicotine withdrawal.
Let's see what is her message this evening. We agreed to SNAP VANISH until the 4th of September. If the whole week (Monday and Wednesday) there is nothing much, then I move on.
I will revisit her in some distant future. I do feel that at present, she is not value-adding on the relationship.
---------------------------------
The further away I am from Nicorette the firmer my decision to play Silver.
Let's play by the ear today...
---------------------------------
Sunday, 30 August 2020
>>>#31/8/20 The GUARANTEED Happy Pills
Yup, the pill is working. I feel great after the shower.
When the classes start, I plan to exercise at 6:00 am. That means I wake up at 5:30 am.
Either that or I exercise at 7:00 pm after the class finishes.
Let me try to do it in the morning. Then in the evening, I can relax.
-----------------------
I have 4 objectives at present:
When the classes start, I plan to exercise at 6:00 am. That means I wake up at 5:30 am.
Either that or I exercise at 7:00 pm after the class finishes.
Let me try to do it in the morning. Then in the evening, I can relax.
-----------------------
I have 4 objectives at present:
- Able to sleep well
- Exercise every day
- Keep reducing weight
- Quit Nicorette
I need to stick to M-SEEN.
--------------------------
I can win this for the next 2 weeks until Mopey's birthday. I need to leave a mark for this year.
How about this year I focus on getting my life in order:
- Sleep well
- Exercise every day
- Lose some serious weight
- And stop Nicorette altogether.
Make that as my winning proposition for this year. I know I can do it. I should not have a care for external communications. I just focus on my intrinsic motivation:
- To finish Coursera
- Develop a course on Mental Health and Positive Psychology
- To start writing the book
- To deliver the MyGo classes
I think I'll go easy on Els as well. It doesn't make sense to pursue a nonreciprocating relationship.
No more wooing. I had done that. Now is focus on the task at hand. No more playing games. I will aim for Gold but I have my Silver and Bronze expectations.
I will listen to Els today. Then I SNAP VANISH until Friday.
I need to have a reason to celebrate my 56th birthday.
That will be because I started M-SEEN on 30/8/20.
I will persist until the 4th of September.
----------------------
What did I do right?
I exercised and I sleep well. I still eat carbs,
Still cannot curb hunger.
Let's look at the bright side. I took the happy pills; sleep well and exercise.
However, I still slack on OMAD.
Nicorette gotta go. It is another form of slavery. As long as I chew Nicorette I am still hooked on nicotine. So for my birthday resolution, I should focus on quitting Nicorette until Mopey's birthday.
My first winning criteria is to quit Nicorette.
Then to sleep at 11:00 pm
Then to exercise every day.
Then to eat OMAD Keto
While doing that, I minimize external communication.
N-SEEM. That's the right sequence.
------------------------------
30/8/20 ^^^Once I quit Nicorette I feel better
Nicorette is definitely spiking my insulin. On top of that, the artificial sweetener is bad for my microbiome.
I can feel the difference in not taking Nicorette. I am no longer dependent on nicotine. I feel a slight withdrawal. Not that bad. I slept a lot though.
I think I'll do away with coffee too. From today, I only drink hot tea in the evening. Coffee is for the morning. Even that I will remind Lizzie that I will have tea instead.
I need to detox my body from sugar especially. Then from nicotine and finally from caffeine,
On most occasions, I will avoid eating carbs.
I think the most important resolution I should make for 2020 is to stop eating sugar and carbs.
If I cannot do that, then I should stop taking Nicorette.
-----------------------
OK baby, time to sleep.
Here is your lullaby:
I can feel the difference in not taking Nicorette. I am no longer dependent on nicotine. I feel a slight withdrawal. Not that bad. I slept a lot though.
I think I'll do away with coffee too. From today, I only drink hot tea in the evening. Coffee is for the morning. Even that I will remind Lizzie that I will have tea instead.
I need to detox my body from sugar especially. Then from nicotine and finally from caffeine,
On most occasions, I will avoid eating carbs.
I think the most important resolution I should make for 2020 is to stop eating sugar and carbs.
If I cannot do that, then I should stop taking Nicorette.
-----------------------
OK baby, time to sleep.
Here is your lullaby:
I am still in the withdrawal phase. So I am not entirely myself tonight.
Goodnight baby. I love you so much...
-----------------------
30/8/20 ^^^I had decided to go back to being microscopic
I will minimize my circle of influence to the bare minimum for me to get by. No need to keep on adding unnecessarily.
So I drop Farha. Uma and Hesh.
I just keep Pal at this point in time. Even that, I limit to business talks.
I am at my heaviest right now - 93.3 kg. So no more messing around. I need to be serious [ ] (with) my Vision Quest to be an Athlete4Life.
The way to the path is through diet and exercise. Therefore I am reinforcing OMAD today. On top of that, I'm telling Lizzie that I am not going to eat rice for dinner. I will be eating a lot of veggies. It will be an OMAD Keto lifestyle from now on.
I need to live life as a Zen Monk. Minimal material wants including food. I need to be light.
Instead of the life of indulgence, I live the life of austerity.
I need to abstain from wanting more and more. It never ends. Like Nicorette. The consumption keeps on increasing. So I have to stop there.
My weight keeps on increasing because I EAT CARBS. I have to put a stop to that. I cannot let my life go on like a runaway train. I need discipline. I need all the qualities for success:
I see me as a thin, energetic, happy, light, private, silent, and physically active individual. The best to describe it is as a silent long distant runner.
That is my holy grail. That is the ideal life for me. Therefore I don't need too many people in my life. All I need is my House of Sha and Pal. That all. Nothing beyond.
I can now stop FB, WhatsApp, and Tweeter. Let's focus on being light.
----------------------
So what is the guiding principle that I follow as an Athlete4Life?
------------------------
Without the Nicorette, I was very sleepy today. It was a good rest.
This afternoon I will exercise - one of the two GUARANTEED happy pills.
GI Joe fallacy: Knowing is winning half the battle. Not true. Knowing means nothing if we don't act upon it.
For example, I know my solution to Athlete4Life is M-SEEN. However, if I don't act upon it, I am no better off than a person who is ignorant.
So my personal power is my ability to act M-SEEN. Not just knowing about it.
My action is to act immediately, do it excessively, and no excuse. I don't care whether other people believe it. I will share with people my knowledge as a reminder to myself that I have to act upon my OWN knowledge. Not so much to teach others but rather to teach me. Those people are only target practice.
So if Pal's aim is to make RM10 million, my aim is to make RM1 million in 10 years' time. How will I do it? By delivering 10 days of training a month for the next 10 years.
What are the prerequisites for me?
So I drop Farha. Uma and Hesh.
I just keep Pal at this point in time. Even that, I limit to business talks.
I am at my heaviest right now - 93.3 kg. So no more messing around. I need to be serious [ ] (with) my Vision Quest to be an Athlete4Life.
The way to the path is through diet and exercise. Therefore I am reinforcing OMAD today. On top of that, I'm telling Lizzie that I am not going to eat rice for dinner. I will be eating a lot of veggies. It will be an OMAD Keto lifestyle from now on.
I need to live life as a Zen Monk. Minimal material wants including food. I need to be light.
Instead of the life of indulgence, I live the life of austerity.
I need to abstain from wanting more and more. It never ends. Like Nicorette. The consumption keeps on increasing. So I have to stop there.
My weight keeps on increasing because I EAT CARBS. I have to put a stop to that. I cannot let my life go on like a runaway train. I need discipline. I need all the qualities for success:
- Patience
- Persistence
- Courage
- Determination
- Dedication
- Consistency
- Going the Extra Mile
I see me as a thin, energetic, happy, light, private, silent, and physically active individual. The best to describe it is as a silent long distant runner.
That is my holy grail. That is the ideal life for me. Therefore I don't need too many people in my life. All I need is my House of Sha and Pal. That all. Nothing beyond.
I can now stop FB, WhatsApp, and Tweeter. Let's focus on being light.
----------------------
So what is the guiding principle that I follow as an Athlete4Life?
- Principle #1: Minimize external communication
- Principle #2: Sleep well
- Principle #3: Exercise AHAD
- Principle #4: Eat OMAD
- Principle #5: No Nicorette
------------------------
Without the Nicorette, I was very sleepy today. It was a good rest.
This afternoon I will exercise - one of the two GUARANTEED happy pills.
GI Joe fallacy: Knowing is winning half the battle. Not true. Knowing means nothing if we don't act upon it.
For example, I know my solution to Athlete4Life is M-SEEN. However, if I don't act upon it, I am no better off than a person who is ignorant.
So my personal power is my ability to act M-SEEN. Not just knowing about it.
My action is to act immediately, do it excessively, and no excuse. I don't care whether other people believe it. I will share with people my knowledge as a reminder to myself that I have to act upon my OWN knowledge. Not so much to teach others but rather to teach me. Those people are only target practice.
So if Pal's aim is to make RM10 million, my aim is to make RM1 million in 10 years' time. How will I do it? By delivering 10 days of training a month for the next 10 years.
What are the prerequisites for me?
- I have to be healthy
- I must have sound mental health
- I must be at the top of my game
- I have to be knowledgeable
- I must abide by M-SEEN
If I have all those. I will be able to perform consistently for 20 days a month MAX.
It is a worthy ideal.
Most importantly, I need to take my happy pills on a daily basis.
Then the peripheral actions will come to place:
- Training delivery
- Learning from Coursera
- Writing Wellness book
- Weighing 63 kg
- Running 10 km/hour
Knowing is not good enough, I need to take action.
I need to be a Man of Action (MoA).
If I want to run 10 km/hour, I better exercise every day and start reducing weight. No more Nicorette. Basically, my success formula is M-SEEN. That's the barest minimum to be happy.
What do I want most in my life?
TO WEIGH 63 KG AND ABLE TO RUN 10 KM/HOUR WHILE EARNING RM15 K A MONTH BY DELIVERING TRAINING 10 DAYS A MONTH FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS.
That is my mission in life.
---------------------------
Saturday, 29 August 2020
>>>#30/8/20 Let's flow tonight
I am getting old. How do I carry on with this Vision?
Already I am not focused on my two goals; which is to be thin and fast. Sarah, I am a very ambitious man. Am I just dreaming?
I am forgoing comfort and pushing myself to the brink again. Can I make the comeback at the twilight of my youth?
I want to make it happen. However, I am racing against time.
I am so glad I have Pal. He can be the trailblazer while I tag along at my own pace.
It's a long journey. I had rested long enough. I rested since 2009. Basically, that decade was the time I reassessed who I am.
Now is the time to reinvent myself back.
For change to happen I need stability.
In less than a week's time, I will be 56. If I am doing the same thing I will always get the same result. I cannot be thin and fast if I eat the way I do and keep missing my exercises.
Tomorrow starts today. I must have the urgency to change. I need to change the way I think and act.
Do I want to do Songkhla 2030? Yes indeed. Not so much because I want to get laid. I want to do it so I can be just. I want to make good our marriage.
Is it a good decision? Maybe not. But I got to have meaning in my life. Something to look forward to.
There are only three possibilities; Gold, Silver, or Bronze.
I need to think like an Olympian.
Sarah, you had seen the worst of me. Now I want you to see what I am made of.
This is a long journey. If I look back at the time I ran the marathon in 2004, I was at the peak of my health. I need to be in the peak state again. Use it or lose it. I don't want to lose my youth away.
Whatever time I have left, I use it to rebuild myself.
Can I not do these 4 things?
Already I am not focused on my two goals; which is to be thin and fast. Sarah, I am a very ambitious man. Am I just dreaming?
I am forgoing comfort and pushing myself to the brink again. Can I make the comeback at the twilight of my youth?
I want to make it happen. However, I am racing against time.
I am so glad I have Pal. He can be the trailblazer while I tag along at my own pace.
It's a long journey. I had rested long enough. I rested since 2009. Basically, that decade was the time I reassessed who I am.
Now is the time to reinvent myself back.
For change to happen I need stability.
In less than a week's time, I will be 56. If I am doing the same thing I will always get the same result. I cannot be thin and fast if I eat the way I do and keep missing my exercises.
Tomorrow starts today. I must have the urgency to change. I need to change the way I think and act.
Do I want to do Songkhla 2030? Yes indeed. Not so much because I want to get laid. I want to do it so I can be just. I want to make good our marriage.
Is it a good decision? Maybe not. But I got to have meaning in my life. Something to look forward to.
There are only three possibilities; Gold, Silver, or Bronze.
I need to think like an Olympian.
Sarah, you had seen the worst of me. Now I want you to see what I am made of.
This is a long journey. If I look back at the time I ran the marathon in 2004, I was at the peak of my health. I need to be in the peak state again. Use it or lose it. I don't want to lose my youth away.
Whatever time I have left, I use it to rebuild myself.
Can I not do these 4 things?
- Sleep at 11 pm
- Exercise AHAD
- Eat OMAD
- No Nicorette
Can I not at least be true to myself?
It is still not too late. I have 4 months to go.
What have I achieved for this year? Half of the year was wasted on COVID 19.
I need a sense of urgency.
------------------------
Nobody can help me if I don't help myself.
I don't need the kara. I have my titanium bracelet. That is my power bracelet. My Phiten Oath bracelet.
I am back to being an Athlete4Life. 2019 was the year I won against the 3 Cs. I promised myself that 2020 is the year I start to reinvent myself. I will do it.
As of May, I still have a distorted belief. Now I am thriving with LEC.
I need to take care of my health. That is through diet and exercise.
Forget the past failures. I am in my zone right now.
What are the resources that I should harness?
I need energy and strength. I get that through diet and exercise.
------------------------------
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